Searching for a captivating exploration of relationships and cultural dynamics? Look no further! We sat down with Santana, a woman who navigated a complex situation-ship with a Jamaican man for over two years. Her riveting journey through romance, deceit, and personal growth will engross you. We delve into the often murky waters of situation-ships, the importance of marital status disclosure, and the unpredictable nature of office romances.
We also welcomed Sheila, a travel lover with a 15-year-long relationship with Jamaica. The wisdom she gleaned from a recent five-day cycling tour offers powerful insights into stereotypes about American women and the intricate dance of romance in a foreign culture. Sheila brings wisdom on navigating relationships with married individuals, understanding the reputation of 'side chicks', and more.
Lastly, we traverse the intricate terrain of cultural and relationship expectations in a Jamaican context. Kayla shares about her marriage to her Jamaican husband, their financial dynamics, and their approach to fidelity. The impact of cultural expectations on their children and her courage in breaking generational curses reflects her strength and resilience. Ready for a thought-provoking exploration of love, life, and the beauty of cultural diversity? Tune in!
Searching for a captivating exploration of relationships and cultural dynamics? Look no further! We sat down with Santana, a woman who navigated a complex situation-ship with a Jamaican man for over two years. Her riveting journey through romance, deceit, and personal growth will engross you. We delve into the often murky waters of situation-ships, the importance of marital status disclosure, and the unpredictable nature of office romances.
We also welcomed Sheila, a travel lover with a 15-year-long relationship with Jamaica. The wisdom she gleaned from a recent five-day cycling tour offers powerful insights into stereotypes about American women and the intricate dance of romance in a foreign culture. Sheila brings wisdom on navigating relationships with married individuals, understanding the reputation of 'side chicks', and more.
Lastly, we traverse the intricate terrain of cultural and relationship expectations in a Jamaican context. Kayla shares about her marriage to her Jamaican husband, their financial dynamics, and their approach to fidelity. The impact of cultural expectations on their children and her courage in breaking generational curses reflects her strength and resilience. Ready for a thought-provoking exploration of love, life, and the beauty of cultural diversity? Tune in!
Today we will talk about travel, lifestyle and mental health. Follow us on Instagram, at Sweet Tiffany's Twitter, at Sweet Tiffany's Facebook, sweet Tiffany's inspirations and our website, wwwkiffingftravelcom. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Hello everyone, and welcome back to Wearing the Heart is Tiffany. I am super excited about this video because we are talking about two things that I love, and that is traveling and relationships. So we are traveling to the island of Jamaica, yaman, and so in this interview, I am talking to three women.
Speaker 1:There are three separate interviews, and I'm telling you it is worth your while. So the first one, we are going to title it Cheats in Peace Hmm, what does that mean? Our second interview, we are going to title it Cycling Appeal what kind of hill she climbing. And then three, we are going to title that Providing for His Family Hmm, if you have ever dated a Caribbean, can you even wonder what that means? Alright, I hope I piqued your interest enough to check out these interviews. I promise you it will be worth your time. Alright, see you over there. Hello everyone, and welcome back to Wearing the Heart is Tiffany. I am super excited. We are continuing the chat about dating men and on today's topic, we are talking about Jamaican men. So we are going to jump right into this and we are going to be talking with Santana on today.
Speaker 1:So, santana, go ahead and introduce yourself and tell us just a little bit about you or your background. Okay, hi, my name is Santana. I am 28 years old. I apparently live in Maryland and that is where all of today's topics of discussion took place. The gentleman that I was involved with he was older. I think he was maybe about 34 or 35, so that's our age group. I am black, but for the sake of today's conversation, I am going to keep my identity confidential, just because I don't want the headache, right, and that is perfectly fine. So we are down, for we just want to hear the conversation. So I am super excited to delve into it.
Speaker 1:So this video was requested because, if you guys don't know, last week we talked about dating African men, so we decided to go to the Caribbean a little bit. So our first guest is Santana. So, santana, let's just jump straight into it. So tell us what is your experience been like with men from Jamaica specifically? Okay, I had a situation ship, if that's what you want to call it, with a Jamaican man for about two, maybe two and a half years.
Speaker 1:And let's tell us what a situation ship is for those people who may not know what that is. So a situation ship is something very similar to a relationship, but you pretty much got some fuck shit going on in that relationship that prevents it from being a full blown relationship. So it's a kind of sort of situation, which is why I call it a situation ship, right, and that's a term, probably from the Urban Dictionary that we've all accepted, because we all I've heard of situation ships, and also it also reminds me of Friends with Benefit, would you say that's kind of similar to the term as well For this particular context. This is not a friend with benefits that I'm speaking of, but no, actually I can't say that I wouldn't use the term Friends with Benefit in a situation ship. Interchangeably, a situation ship to me is more akin to a relationship. It's not something casual, but, like I said, whatever fuck shit is going on in that situation is preventing you and this person from having a full blown relationship. Okay, okay, thanks for clarifying. Okay, so let's get into it. So tell us more about the situation ship. Okay, so I'll just get straight to it.
Speaker 1:So this person, I found out, ended up being married, so him and I worked in the same office. He is 100% Jamaican, born, race, first generation immigrant to the United States. He was from Brooklyn. He and I worked together in Maryland and at first, you know, he was like the office flirt. All the girls would say how he flirted and how he would chase anything in a skirt. So I didn't think anything of it. But then one day my friends like dared me to basically try to talk to him and get his attention. And at first he was shy, you know, very respectful always and a few days later, or maybe a week goes by and like we exchange contact information Now at the time this man did not ever say anything about a wife. He did not wear a ring in the office, he never mentioned having children.
Speaker 1:None of that, do they ever though, santana, do they ever come out with it in the beginning? I think some men do. Some men just want to get their dick wet on the side, and some men do say upfront you know, I have a wife, I have a family, so this isn't going to be anything. But sometimes I think there are men out there who want something a little bit more and maybe they will start a new life or a new relationship. But maybe they don't, you know, or sometimes men are just messy. That's what I ended up learning from the situation. Some men are just messy. And my other question you mentioned something about office relationships. So prior to this situation, would you have even considered something at your job? Because the rule is not to where is it lay? Where you eat, or lay where you earn your money or whatever it tastes like.
Speaker 2:So oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I would have outside of this. I would consider an office romance, simply because I know I can maintain my composure at work and so long as we don't have to like sit side by side, I think I would be okay. But yeah, I'm not opposed to an office romance. Okay, all right, continue with your story, okay. So yeah, this man never mentioned being married, did not wear a ring, did not mention anything about children, and I have former co-workers who can attest to the fact that he never gave the slightest hint that he was a married man. So him and I hooked up. You know, we hooked up and we did it for a few times. And then he tells me, like randomly, that his wife is moving back in, and I'm just like she's moving in permanently. He's like, yeah, so anyway, long story short.
Speaker 2:Oh, no way.
Speaker 1:I got to stop you right there. Okay, so you were going over to his house? Yeah, I was going to go, okay, so then he had to tell you that the wife was coming into the picture because you weren't able to just come over there as you pleased anymore, right, right. And he brought up the conversation very casually, like he just mentioned the wife as if you knew that she existed.
Speaker 1:So Murmurs had started to spread in the office and I asked him about it and he said yeah, because you know, we weren't in a relationship. So I asked him about it and he he said yeah, that that was happening. And I was like, well, is she coming back permanently? And he said yes. I said okay, well, you know, that's how the game goes sometimes. You know, that's just. Sometimes he's secretly married, sometimes he's actually single. That's just what happens out in the street sometimes.
Speaker 1:So I took the, I took the L and I was like, all right, well, you and I don't have to speak anymore. So I blocked him, but I remain professional at work and I think it started to drive him crazy. Do you know? This man downloaded an app to call me from different numbers because I refused to unblock him, married a man chasing after me and you got in when you went in your working space, were you guys in the same space? Were different floors, same floors in cubicle, or how close were you into? Proximity to each other? We were in the same space, but our office environment was able to keep a section off by team. He was on a different team, but I would see him. However, at the time, we never were in the same meetings. We weren't having the same conversations or anything like that, and then shortly afterwards I resigned from that job. I got a new one. So I we weren't working together and he did.
Speaker 1:After I blocked him and tried to get away from him, he put up a fight and that's kind of where history starts. I mean he had his sob story about what was going on because the wife and him weren't together when we first met him. So later on down the line I started to piece it together that they were having a breakup or a separation or something. And he met me during that time period, but what he said he wanted to do ended up not being what he ended up doing, as is the case with the lot man. So that was my experience with him.
Speaker 1:In the end I felt like he was just trying to get his dick wet, like I said, and he wanted somebody to listen to him complain about the woman he had chosen for his life yeah, like that's his woman, or and he wants someone to compensate for her shortcomings. So I mean it was a whole big entanglement because I did have feelings for him. Hey, call 911. I mean it started out with him not telling me he was married. Then he tells me he is married and sometimes he wants to work it out, sometimes he doesn't want to work it out, and it just became way too messy. I started putting two and two together and I wasn't getting four, and that let me know that something was not right. If it comes back more or less than four, something is wrong.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:That's actually a good way to put it so you feel like for him it was just kind of sex and just for him to be a soundie and it's funny when men complain about the women that they're with Do you really believe all of the complaints? Do you think it's just to kind of be like, oh, kind of almost to like put you on a pedestal and her down here and sometimes, and you can tell me how you feel, but sometimes I don't even know if all the complaints are really real about what they're saying. Do you think that he was lying about any of these things or do you think it was truthful? But it was just from his perspective? I think it was truthful. It was just from his perspective, because I'm a nosy as individual and I start putting clues and stuff together and sometimes I would tell him like bro, you're wrong. And then other times I would tell him like nah, that sounds like she's tripping. But I only know it from his perspective and that was one of the things that bonded us, because we started out having such a good friendship and then it blossomed more as the intimacy came involved and I mean some people will call him hell. My friends and my family do call me stupid about this man, but sometimes people get married to the wrong person and I thought I could believe him, but I never, ever, gave him any type of ulterior I mean any type of ultimatums. I never told him he had to leave his family or none of that, but I did tell him that I wasn't going to be on his merry-go-round. So that's what gets me to my transitioning point.
Speaker 1:I think before we get to the transition point, was there any? Was the words I love you ever exchange between you two? Oh yes, he was my full-blown boyfriend. Like. This is not a side chick conversation at all. And with that question being asked do you feel like men or you get as a woman, do you feel like we as human beings can love two people at the same time into separate relationships? I'm going to have to take a rain check on that question Because I'm still exploring it. I don't know the answer. I don't feel like I've gathered enough information or explored enough about myself to give you a genuine answer. I don't know. I'm asking myself those same questions and I love your honest opinion. I'm glad that you're not trying to answer just for the sake of this conversation, but actually really telling me the truth how? You don't know yet. So that is something interesting for you to explore and I look forward to seeing it, because I'm definitely going to follow up with you and be like hey, girl, what's going?
Speaker 2:on.
Speaker 1:I'm interested to hear, after you do, further explanation, like where you come up or what you think about that. Ok, so you talked about your transition, so go ahead and tell us about the transition In due time. I came to realize that, like I said, he just wanted to have a safe space to complain about the life he had chosen for himself and to also compensate for whatever wasn't going on at home with me. So, in my experience with Peribi and men because his father was the exact same way I think they genuinely want to cheat in peace, like they really think they should be able to run around and do whatever and cause all types of mayhem and no one is supposed to check them on their shit. Eventually he told me that, yes, he did want to be with me and have a family, but he basically wanted me to be like his second wife, and I asked him if he had started sniffing cocaine, and I didn't know it.
Speaker 1:I was like, have you lost your motherfucking mind? Like do you really think I'm going to be your second wife so you can do the same shit to me? I was like, no, you doing some type of drug that I don't want to be involved in, right, because you do. Look at it, If he done this to me, can he do it again on me? Like you know what I'm saying and I feel like we all know about Karma. Like you know what I'm saying and in the beginning you didn't know or she wasn't involved. But now that you know and him asking that, yeah, you like, are you on something Like what are?
Speaker 2:you talking?
Speaker 1:about that's. I'm not about that life. You know what I'm saying I also think this experience gave me like a real life perspective into other women's lives, because it's not like his wife didn't know about me, like eventually, like I said, it became a full-blown entanglement. Ok.
Speaker 1:Yeah it became a full-blown entanglement. You know what I'm saying. Like she and I really felt like she either was plain stupid or she just genuinely did not want to know. And I think any woman with common sense or decency after you see a man close up like that and you see how he operates and what he says, just to be able to get away with the shit that he wants to get away with, it ultimately becomes unattractive in a partner. And, like I said, I couldn't even respond to that conversation. Like the audacity for him to think I would be his second wife, he told me and wait did he also bring up this same subject with her as well?
Speaker 1:No, probably not, because she'd have knocked all of his teeth loose, probably not. And so you and you all never met though before. But you said she knew about you but you guys never like met in person or anything like that. No, we didn't. Ok, yes, we did. This was before him and I, messing around, kind of came out because he was struggling with it. One moment he wanted to tell her, the next moment he didn't. One moment he wanted her to leave and go back to her family's house, but then the next minute he didn't. And throughout it all, I think there was some sincerity there that he was actually going through something as a person and I tried to be there for him. I wanted to be his friend. I thought he would come out on the other side like a different man and that's where our life would begin.
Speaker 1:But he changed his story several different times, the target moved several different times and eventually it just started to look like he wants to be able to cheat in peace, he wants to keep the wife and the family he has at home, and he would like to add to it. Based on what he told me, he would like to go explore different vaginas for lack of a better word.
Speaker 1:But, OK, but basically, like you said and I love that you said the cheat in peace. I'm just assuming this guy wanted. He didn't know what he wanted, basically, and in the process he brought you along for this journey, whether it be good or bad, based off of what he did, based off of him being confused about himself and his relationship and, like you said, he probably would never going to give her up, even though he claims he didn't like her. He wanted to go back, but he also wants to keep you around you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:And I'm glad it eventually came up, because then you'll be able to say OK, now I can make the decision as to whether or not I'm going to be around for this foolishness or I'm going to leave it alone. So I feel like I'm glad it all came out, because then you have the choice to be like, looking and examining the whole situation, you're like, ok, this situation is not for me, like you, and I think we have enough drama in our lives without adding additional drama for the sake of love or for the sake of a relationship Agreed, agreed?
Speaker 1:You speaking on something a little bit heavier that I talked to my therapist about. But long story short, I told my therapist I have enough drama in my own life and my own family that I can pick from. I don't need to go pick up a man and his wife and his two children because you can't have a life crisis.
Speaker 1:OK, I'm glad you touched on therapy, so tell us a little bit about therapy. Were you already in therapy for just for the sake of being therapy, or was this something that you had to do? And I think it's important to talk about this because I feel like in the black community, I feel like we don't seek therapies as much as we should. There doesn't need to be a mental illness, there doesn't need to be something super, super traumatic. I may just need to go to a therapist just to talk, and that could be including relationships, so that our therapist can help us examine different things, maybe that we can't see. So tell us a little bit more about that, because I think this is something good to talk about.
Speaker 1:I started going to therapy prior to this entanglement with this Jamaican man for my own reasons, and I just kept up with it. My need to go to therapy is oftentimes exacerbated by the relationship that I'm having. At the time, I was very open about me being in therapy throughout this entanglement with this man and I even encouraged him on several occasions to go to therapy for himself. He said you know, no one ever tried to take him to therapy when he was younger or even before because he's in his mid-thirties, so he, you know he wasn't. He was open to going, but I really had to like stay on top of him about going, whereas for me, at the time, I had a standing appointment with my therapist.
Speaker 1:I definitely think seeking out therapy is taboo, especially with the older generations of Black people, but as millennials, as we're aging and progressing, I think that stigma is starting to be removed and more of us are seeking it out. You know, couples therapy, family therapy, individual therapy it's helpful? Yeah, I definitely think it is. And you talk about, we talk about the race of suicide, just alone, like in the last two weeks, and that tells you how important you know seeking out a therapist is. I always say I literally had a shirt made in the Black community church, is very relevant, and so some people say you know I just pray or whatever, and of course I'm a firm believer in prayer. I have a shirt that says you can see God and the therapist too. Yeah, like you can do both at the same time and like it is completely okay.
Speaker 1:I'm glad that you mentioned that and glad that you encourage him to go. Whether or not he took the advice or not is a different story, but the fact that you encourage him. It seemed like he seems to appreciate that aspect about him.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I think that's.
Speaker 1:I think that's good to touch on. So let us know this was like. I really enjoyed this interview. So if you had advice to anybody either, we talked about therapy did you make it? We talked about office relationships. We talked about just purely what they're in the relationship for. What advice would you give to somebody that either is maybe in your similar situation or thinking about dating a Jamaican guy? Like what would be your advice to them? For a person wanting to date a Jamaican man, I say, go for it is fun.
Speaker 1:What people say about Jamaican men behind closed doors is absolutely true. It is a wonderful experience. But I want to say something for the side chicks of the world, if you will. I truly think side chicks get a really bad rep. Like in open conversation, people rarely take the time to look at it from the other person's perspective. And if I could say something to all the women, hell and men who are doing it in life now, I would say just stay concentrated on what you entered into, this arrangement for.
Speaker 1:What is it that you want to get out of this? What are you exposed to? Anything? Do you have any opportunities? Are you able to live life on your own schedule? What is it that you're doing? But absolutely not. Do not become entangled with a married person because you love them. Don't do that. That's a setup for failure. Don't do that. Right, I think that's good, so I'll give you a quick update. I'm going to go back to something else.
Speaker 1:You said what other people said is true. What are people saying that you feel is true About Jamaican men, and how explicit can we be? I mean, I've already let a few people reply. Okay, because I don't know who's going to view this. So give us the PG version, but you can still talk about it. Okay, I'll use the grown-up words. Okay, the legend is true about Jamaican penis. It absolutely is Okay, depending on the age of the Jamaican man. He may or may not be with some freaky shit. Mine was not always with it, but I could coax him to try. A lot of them are not open to oral sex.
Speaker 1:This was not my first boyfriend from the Caribbean but all of them tend to have that in common they're not really open to doing it, so you got to warm them up to it. This guy in particular, he was really clean, like everything about him is really clean. So when it comes to that, yes, and what's the other thing? The partying, the partying, the dancing, the culture, the, everything it's lit, but you'll fuck around and get your ass burned up as you need to care for what? All that litness? That's all I got to say and, on that note, this was super, super fun and I am sure that people are going to enjoy this interview. I mean, I have fun with this, so I'm sure what'd you say? Nothing, I'm just laughing, I'm just laughing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm sure that they are going to actually love this interview. I'm excited to put it out there, and so thank you so much, santana, for coming on. You are welcome on If we were talking about other Caribbean men anytime, yes, oh yeah. Oh, we go viral.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to where in the herd is Tiffany. We are interviewing women who have dated Caribbean men and, even more specifically, jamaican men. So we have our next guest and we have Sheila. I'm excited to have her on. So, sheila, I'm just going to let you introduce yourself and then we'll get straight into the interview.
Speaker 2:Wow, what do you want me to say? I'm Sheila Johnson, I live in Sacramento, california, and I love the crazy Jamaicans.
Speaker 1:Well, that's a great intro right into it. Okay, so tell us a little bit about have you been traveling back and forth to Jamaica, are you meeting, like, where are you meeting these men? Is it in Jamaica or you meet them in Sacramento? So we'll start right here.
Speaker 2:Okay, I've been going to Jamaica for the last 15 years. I started going every July to go to reggae sunfest and then nine years ago I went there for a cycling I do try out on Ironman's different little activities like that and I went on a cycling tour called what was it? Reggae ride. The reggae ride. It was a five day bike ride through Jamaica, from the grill to Port Antonio.
Speaker 1:So I met all on bicycle.
Speaker 2:That's right. We cycled for five days through Jamaica. Oh, that's super, super cool.
Speaker 1:It's funny you mentioned cycling. I'm getting on track for a minute. But I took a bike tour through New Orleans and it was only like two hours and my butt was killing me. I was like what the heck was I thinking? So, the fact that you did this for five days, like who knows you, just based off of that, so you're a cyclist and that's super cool that you go to Jamaica Okay, that's cool.
Speaker 2:I like that yes, yes, yes. So I, like I said, I had been going to Jamaica already, went for this cycling thing and met one of my. I met all the tour guides, but one of the tour guides was, you know, we didn't really click because they had a stereotype about American women. We were only there for can I say it like this they were only there for the dick. And I was like no, I'm here to ride because I came as a single woman, right?
Speaker 1:No, what you said ride, and you mean ride a bicycle.
Speaker 2:Oh, but I got you. No, they were just they. A lot of the other guys, the tour guides, were like yeah, we know why you American women come, you come to ride, you know? Basically, like you just said, ride us. And I'm like, boy, please, I'm here to ride my bike and learn and be in Jamaica, because I love Jamaica.
Speaker 1:But that's interesting. Because it's funny, because I feel like people say that we had, or we stereotype Jamaicans or Jamaican men, and it's funny that they have. I didn't realize that they had this stereotype of us as well. Oh yeah, I've never heard that before. Oh yeah, that's interesting. Okay, okay, I keep going.
Speaker 2:Okay, cause I and also, being a cyclist, I'm around a lot of cyclists, so I've learned about women, especially us American women, from them as well. So, cause they'll sit around and anywhere, talk in a group, so, and Jamaican men don't hold anything back when they're all together talking. And, especially as an American woman, I'm listening and I'm like, wow, so that's what you think about us? They really they have a stereotype. So it's all good, it's all good. But anyways, yeah, we met we. I was called push cart. That was my. My cycling name was push cart, cause I would give up riding and they would have to push me over mountains, cause Jamaica is not a joke in cycling, yeah, plenty of hills. So they were pushing me over the hills and they started calling me push cart and you know, you'd start talking to people while we'd start talking and getting to know each other a little bit more, and that was about it, okay.
Speaker 1:So that's that's super interesting about that particular conversation. Okay, so you were cycling, your, you know you finished your race, I'm assuming. And so after the race, did you? Who were you? Who did you meet up with? Or how did it start where you were starting today? Or even look at Jamaica, cause you say you were there for cycling, but it's not. The else transpire after the cycle thing was done.
Speaker 2:Well, two days later I stayed in, I stayed in Ocho's, rio, and two days later he came to visit me and we just walked around the town. He took me on, you know, just walk in talking around the town, told me about his family, told me about his life, and, and we just started talking from there. And nine years later, we're still we're building a house together. He's been back and forth to the state and okay.
Speaker 1:Let's, let's take, let's a little bit before that. So, as a tour guide, how common is it for tour guides to meet and date women while they're doing their job?
Speaker 2:It's common, because actually somebody else on the tour it was actually a white couple from South Africa and she had met her husband on where was she? I think she was, she was on a deep sea fishing trip and she met her husband. So it's not like uncommon and it's not just, it's everywhere and I was really trying to surprise Right, and they've been together.
Speaker 1:That is definitely a common occurrence, because I know a couple who he was my tour guide in Africa and, yeah, I connected them and she took a tour with them and it results in a marriage. So it is definitely very common. But, yeah, watch out for your tour guide.
Speaker 2:Exactly, Exactly and not and not everybody's out there looking for that and I think that was the biggest, the biggest thing. I even battled today, Cause when they fight, when the people find out how we met, and I'm like it wasn't just about that, you know and he wasn't just trying to get here, cause he would rather be in yard anyway, so we do go for it.
Speaker 1:So okay. So I have a question. Guys, we get to communicate, and so you said that he's been back and forth to the States as well. So did he already have like a visa to come to the States? Or like, what was that all about? Like how was he getting back and forth? Cause I know it's hard sometimes for people that are non-American to get back and forth into the States.
Speaker 2:Well, he did his visa on his own, maybe two, two years into two years into our relationship. He did his, he had, he did his visa. I didn't have anything to do it cause he didn't even tell me he had done it, because they get denied so many times and it's kind of like you don't want to tell anybody until you know for fact. So he didn't tell me until he had it cause he had been trying before I had met him. He was, he was actually a pro cyclist for Jamaica, so he had traveled the Caribbean and Cuba and different, but not the United States. So he had already been traveling but he just had never came to the States.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so that's interesting because we do. A lot of people say, oh, they just want you for the green card, they just want you for the visa, and in your experience you were not a part of that process, which normally you know, guys will say, hey, you know, I want to marry, for you know this, or they may not tell you, and that's what they want as well. So that's interesting that he was able to get it on his own. So was he able to get like a tourist visa or a business visa?
Speaker 2:He got a tourist visa for which is good for 10 years.
Speaker 1:Okay, so he okay, so he's getting that he was able to travel back and forth. Okay, that's cool. Okay, so let's, let's talk as the relationship progress. What are you guys thinking about now? So you guys have been nine years in, so is the next step marriage is the next step. You guys are just going to stay like boyfriend and girlfriend, like where do you see this like actually going?
Speaker 2:Well, like I said, we're building. We're building a house together there. So probably I mean I've been married before and I don't know I just I don't know he wants to be married, but he, he always says he needs to be able to take care of everything, that man thing. So he doesn't want to marry me, and it'd be like I'm taking care of him, so Okay, but you guys are building the house in Jamaica.
Speaker 1:What city in Jamaica are you guys?
Speaker 2:building the house in Montego Bay.
Speaker 1:Okay, montego Bay. So are you guys going to stay there, you guys going to rent it out, and what do you guys plan to do with the house?
Speaker 2:Just everything, anything and everything you know we can. It can be income when we're not there, and then, when we're there, family wants to go there, they can stay there as well.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that'll be cool. And so how far are you along in the house voting process?
Speaker 2:Oh we're. We're basically at the cosmetic we have, we built, we built, we built it from the ground up, so it's the three bedroom, three bath. We're at the cosmetic part where, with painting, tiling and I don't know if anybody's ever been to the Caribbean or even Mexico it's always a work in progress. So always, and he'll look at the house and go, no, we need to add this, add some steps. Everything does it all Okay. And so how so?
Speaker 1:for people that want to buy property in Jamaica, like how does that like? Is it expensive to buy property? Is it like different? Because is it? I guess? My question is is it in both of your names? Like as an American, how easy is it to obtain property in another country?
Speaker 2:Oh, it's easy. You it's in my name, you own it straight out Pay cash. You know you can do the financing, you can do whatever I just I just paid cash. No big deal, just for a little lot. No big deal on the house. I think I've spent over maybe 50,000, if that, and we've been working on it for three years.
Speaker 1:Okay, and that that gets you your plot and then you're able to go for it and, like you said, building and construction and different things like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, so that's super cool, okay. So then let's talk about like, what is it like to do it Jamaica? So if somebody's like, hey, girl, I want to go to Jamaica, man, please let me know. So tell us about like. So I guess, when I was like, I was like I'm like, I'm like I'm like hey, let's go to Jamaica. I'm like, hey, I'm like I'm like hey, I'm going to Jamaica. And I'm like okay, I'm like wow, okay. So I guess, when I'm dating and I do like African and Caribbean, like okay, let's say, it's something about an accent and I'm like that part. So, with that being said, what are some like cultures and custom that he has that was like super interesting to you, whether it may be the food or the dancing or just something like. Tell me some of those customs, on those cultures that you've been introduced to.
Speaker 2:Of course he likes his food, so he cooks even when we're here. Like I can cook breakfast, I can do pancakes, I can do, I can do every now and then spaghetti with meat sauce and everything, but that's not there, that's not his thing. So he always cooks. What was interesting, like when I was on my period, it was my time. He wouldn't sleep with me or anything for like seven days and that'd be your time and he would nothing leave you alone. So that was culturally for him.
Speaker 1:Okay, wait before we jump into that, because we need to stay there for a second. Let's go back to the food, though. What types of food does he cook that are? You know, that's a common Jamaican staple or meal that's in the house.
Speaker 2:Oh, they love the right. They love rice fish, steamed fish, brown stew chicken, brown stew fish. They do the mackerel. I don't really care for it. The Jack mackerel, along with Kalalu not a fan and okra.
Speaker 1:I'm not a fan, I'm from the south but I'm not a fan. And what about our famous jerk chicken? Anything jerk.
Speaker 2:You know what? Not really. That's not a main, that's that is a it's barbecue, basically, but it's not what you would cook on a daily basis. That's not what we eat on a daily basis. It's chicken, chicken curry chicken, brown stewed chicken, chicken with gravy, just a variety more chicken than anything.
Speaker 1:Okay, so more of that, but not necessarily jerk, because I think we think about all things, jerks.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's interesting as well. Okay, well then let's move on to our and I love, I love jerk chicken, I love the jerk wing Sometimes the jerk be so hot.
Speaker 2:I need water.
Speaker 1:I need something to go along with that. But I love the rice and peas and I just love having that jerk sauce like over my rice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Rice and peas they're honestly even though I like rice and peas is honestly dry and it's honestly not too much. So you really need that sauce to kind of go over it. So that's interesting. Okay, let's move on to something else, because you mentioned something and that's a dip. That's very interesting you mentioned because there are some people or some close customs or culture where if a woman is on her menstrual cycle, like they're like nah, like you know, I'm not touching that at all, whereas some guys and I don't know if it's I can't say about Americans, but you know, I don't know if it's an individual thing or a culture thing. So you can answer that Some men are like I don't care, I'm still doing it, but in some cultures, like maybe like Islam or something like that, yeah, they don't touch you if you're on your menstrual cycle.
Speaker 2:It's a cleanse. It's supposed to be your body's cleansing itself, so you're not supposed to interfere with any of that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, culturally, Okay, so that's okay, that's interesting, okay. And then, on the flip side, if you are not on your menstrual cycle, are what they say? You know, there's rumors about Jamaican me. There are so many rumors flying around. You're like is it true or is it not? Are they just saying these things Like I don't know? So tell me, is it true what they say?
Speaker 2:It's true what they say and it was funny. I had this conversation with a younger white female, coming back from Jamaica this time, and we were because I used to say that I used to tell them all my little Jamaican friends well, even now when I we're having conversations, I'm like you guys have sex like a bunch of rabbits, you're hitting it hard. We don't like it hard. Slow down. I don't know who told you that was good for it. I'm like, okay, slow down. You know, because they're I don't know, there's something about them. She said the same thing.
Speaker 1:You guys agree on that particular topic.
Speaker 2:Okay, until you teach them. But with anything, you teach people what you like.
Speaker 1:Exactly. And what about romantic? Are they romantic or not? So much.
Speaker 2:And it's little things, because I remember when we first started dating, we had went to a maroon festival up in the country, up in the hillside, and it, you know, everything in Jamaica starts late. Their parties are late night, like into the early morning, and I wasn't used to that and it had gotten cold and I had on sandals and he took his socks off and put them on my feet and I'm like wow, and it just like I'm like what American man have done that gave up his socks and I didn't say nothing and I wasn't.
Speaker 2:I wasn't alone, cold, I'm cold. And he just looked over at me and he was like and he started taking his shoes off and took his socks off and put them on me and I was like, wow, no one's ever done that.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Like you said, it's the little thing, so maybe it may not be like oh, I'm going to take you out to a fancy dinner and get roses, but like some of those practical, maybe sweet, little things that are like oh, okay, I can kind of see like you know where this is going, yeah yeah, no, it's nothing.
Speaker 2:I won't say like I get flowers or anything like that. He says he tells me he loves me by he's building this house. He washes my clothes, everything's hand wash. He cooks dinner. Even even if he's worked all day long, he still cooks. It's just like little things like that. And even if I'm mad at him and I have my moment and I'm like you know, we, we go bad as women. So and he'll still, he'll go okay and he'll still do everything for me, as when we're, when I'm mad, I'm like fuck you, I'm not doing nothing for you.
Speaker 2:You're the last, the last on my list. I have no thoughts on you, but it's. It's not like that with him.
Speaker 1:Okay, and that is sweet, Like you said, because if we go hard in the pain and they're still able to do those things, like that is like super, super nice. Okay, and then tell me how it is being long distance, because you guys are not always in the same place, correct?
Speaker 2:No, we're not no.
Speaker 1:Okay, so how does that work in terms of having a long distance relationship, like do you ever think about because there's also rumors about Jamaican man? There's always somebody back at home and there's another person over there. So how do you deal with, like the trust factor one, or whether or not he could be out there cheating or whatever, so fidelity or infidelity. So let's talk about that, like, how do you deal with that being long distance?
Speaker 2:Oh, I'll tell you this I was married to somebody in the Navy and I have three kids by him and he did what he did while we were married. So I tell people that to say it happens, things happen. And with him. I always tell him I was like, if you, if you get another woman, make sure she buys us a big toilet, a sink, let's pick out some stuff for the house. It's like you need another woman, make sure we're all capitalizing on this. No, but honestly I I can't let that get in my mind.
Speaker 2:He's more jealous than I am because I'm like I think I've come to a place in my life from what I've experienced. People are people. Doesn't matter where we're from or where we came from. Our insecurities are feelings, are our feelings and we're going to act on them the way we do. And if someone pops up and is, he always tells me if he, if he's not with me, she's got to be 100 times more than what I am. And all his friends are going to tell because I am on a, on a web, on a Facebook page, and that's all they talk about is how they're all and it's a hustlers and something. I forgot the name of the Facebook page, but they're always talking about, yeah, he, they always have other women, they always have another baby's mom and I know with him he has.
Speaker 2:He has five kids, all by the same woman, and they were together from 13 to to their young, from him being 13 to their late 30s. So I know he has. You know, everybody has a past. But I know his kids, who are like the same age as my kids. So I know his family. I know his family. I can go into his community and a lot of women will say, yeah, they'll bring you into their community. But everybody knows you're in a different corner so he can still have another life and everybody will still treat you good when you're there and I'm like, but what the script? I can do the same thing here at home, you know.
Speaker 2:I can have my own life here. So you just got to trust yourself. And what do you really want?
Speaker 1:Right, I was going to ask I'm glad you mentioned. I was going to ask, like how do you get along with his family, like if, everything cool, but I'm glad to see that you get along with the kids. So how is it like mom or dad or brothers or sisters, everybody just kind of accepts you when you're down there.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, his, I've met his. He has five brothers, yes, five kids. I've met all of his kids. I've met his brothers, I've met his, his, his friends, and again, we cycle. So I know all the community. So I would have a harder time being there without him than him. You know, you know, right, right, right Okay.
Speaker 1:And so how do you keep the? Because you guys and I don't know how often do you guys go you go there, he comes here.
Speaker 2:I was going, I go there. I was trying to go there every two months and stay for a month and then, so every two months I was going and then he comes here for six months. He'll come here for the sixth month, go back, and it's a hit or miss or when he comes back, it's pretty much up to him on what he's doing over there. Once we started building the house and coven hit when coven hit, we were he was stuck. I call it stuck because, good Lord, there's nothing like somebody that isn't in their own home during that cobit time and everybody's thought was I'm going to die, so I want to go die in yard. You know, that was the biggest thing. So he was here from January to July when cove it struck. So and he hasn't really he hasn't been back since because we really started working on our house then.
Speaker 1:Okay, so he's probably more focused on the house.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what advice would you give to someone that is dating age? You're making me like. What is your like? Is people are going to be like okay, this is your story, but how do I navigate this? So what advice would you get to another woman that's dating a Jamaican guy?
Speaker 2:Know what you want, going into it if it's for the sex, the fun You're, or or do you want a commitment that changes up the dynamics of everything? And there is culturally, because we are American and we're used to what we're used to having and the stereotype everybody has about we're all rich or whatever. You know, we have money coming out of our, but you know whatever. And I tell them we live a different lifestyle in the sense that I have to go to work every day. I'm kind of obligated to it now because of my lifestyle. I owe, I owe more because of my lifestyle, whereas you're more free. If you don't feel like going to work today, you don't go to work. If you don't feel like dealing with people today, they don't deal with people today because they don't have the same obligations that we do here in America.
Speaker 2:In my opinion, it depends on who they are to, and always who know who you're dating. And that's the same thing I tell people here in America you don't know who you're dating. You got to get to know people and is this person really going to show them their true self to you? And are you showing your true self? Because being on vacation and dating somebody is different, quote unquote. It is then living with somebody, having them in in your space and you're in their space and you're dependent on them, like when he's here he's dependent on me. And like one of my friends told me she's African and she had to tell me her language of love is different than what my language of love because, culturally, how she was, she grew up in the same for him. So she, as a female being raised in America, gave me a different perspective on him because I was so hell bent on.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't want to get used by this person because everybody says they're only out to get this, that from me. So it is. You have to. Bottom line is you have to decide what you want out of your relationship with them. And there is a video about dating a Jamaican man and it was kind of a parody on it, like the boom, boom, fat and stuff like that, you know, and we laugh about it, but you pay you more attention than you might have gotten at home. You know, until you look good, I mean you can be walking down the street and I'm looking, the Torah, this Torah isn't a somebody all rusting, you're beautiful.
Speaker 2:You're like you know. But right, they're easy to give strokes and it doesn't mean I want to sleep with you, want to be with you. One of the things I have learned about them, with them, is there nothing is sacred. They talk about everything, and I do appreciate that, whereas we were taught to hide our true selves, you know. But everything's open there, you know, it's all fair games.
Speaker 1:Hey, this was absolutely fun and it was great because your story is different from the other stories that I'm doing, so I would like to thank you for sharing your perspective. You have a unique, a very unique situation as well. So thank you so much, sheila. This was fun and I can't wait to, and we needed to do this again. We may have to do it again because this was great. I can't wait to see your follow up story about the house and to see where the relationship continues to grow and different things like this. So this was fun All right, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it and I hope everyone enjoys it as well.
Speaker 1:Hello everyone, welcome back to we're in the Hurd. It's Tiffany. As you know, we are talking about dating Jamaican men, so I'm super, super excited to have our next guest, which is Kayla, and we're going to talk about, you know, her relationship, and I do want to preface these videos to say that we are not speaking for all Jamaican men, of course. We're speaking to three different women with three different experiences, so I don't want you to take this as anything more than that. Okay, so let's go ahead and let's get straight into it. So, kayla, how are you doing today? I'm doing good. How about you? I'm doing wonderful. So I'm super excited about this topic and I'm super excited to hear about different perspectives. Right, because we all got an experience and so we're going to just jump right into it. So let us start off.
Speaker 1:What has been your experience dating Jamaican men? Let us know. So this is actually my first Jamaican man I've ever dated. I've only dated American men. Before this, I've dated African American men. I've dated white man. I've dated Puerto Rican man, but I've never dated. Well, actually it was mixed it's Puerto Rican black, but I've never dated a Jamaican man before this.
Speaker 1:Okay, Okay, and let's do a little compare and contrast. What have you noticed are some differences between the Jamaican guy that you dated and, per se, an African American guy. I will say well see, I'm married to my Jamaican husband and so I don't know the difference. There's a big difference between us being married in the dating aspect. But I'll just, we'll do this, we'll start.
Speaker 1:As far as dating. I will say it's just a lot of cultural differences. So Jamaican men expect women to be more passive. American women are not passive. American men didn't expect that from me. Jamaican men, a lot of the women it's the culture, especially the man that I am married to. A lot of the women maybe don't work or they're at home, they take care of the kids. That's not me. I said that people I've dated before. You know I had a career. There was okay with that, like it was just different. So just culturally, things are different, okay. So let's back it up a little bit. How did you all meet? I met him. It was at this sort of sports bar type place. I met him there. Actually, he was there, some friends and I was there, and that's how we start. We met and then we switched numbers and started hanging out. Did you meet in Jamaica or meet here?
Speaker 2:No it was here.
Speaker 1:He was here. He actually was traveling back and forth. He worked here and then go back home and then work here and go back home, so he was back and forth at the time. Okay, so you met him at a sports bar in your home state, out with friends, and then you guys exchanged numbers and connected that way. Yes, okay, okay. So lead us up to how did the dating process go, with him being back and forth? Were you able to date a lot, or did you ever visit Jamaica, or how did that work out?
Speaker 1:So when I met him, he was back and forth, but he had actually just moved here, so he was here permanently and then, after we started dating, he actually went to the military and so he was here here and so, as far as dating process, I was with him through like basic training and his AIT, so I looked with him through all of that and that I mean it's self-dating and military-wise. That's a whole nother aspect of our relationship and so that and it's self-convict of. But for me in particular, I've never been type of person I have to be up under somebody, so it wasn't that bad, honestly, okay, because I always had my thing, I always worked. I was going I was a grad school student at the time as well, so I was working full time, I was going to school full time, so we made it work. I say especially when he had to be off during certain times before we got married. And what did you guys, since you guys remember, have you guys had to travel within the military, like, have you had to move to a different state or anything like that? Or you guys were pretty stationed, pretty much stationed where you guys are at. We've moved. We've moved as I met him in Florida and then he actually got stationed in Texas and I was still in Florida After we got married. Then I moved with him to Texas and then we moved to Georgia, and then he has moved again, but I'm actually staying behind to work on my life's venture and so he moved to Virginia. Right now he comes back and forth, okay, he comes back and forth, okay. And so how was the dating?
Speaker 1:Do you feel like Jamaican men or him in general? Do you feel like they're romantic? Because that's a question a lot of people get like are they romantic? Or you know, what type of? What type of style do they do?
Speaker 1:Or do they show you love in a different type of way versus the way that we think of romanticism, and I think that for mine, I think that he is, I think he tries. I think there's a lot of things like he may not know who, within just their culture they have this stereotype of wanting to be all manly, and so not necessarily with showing up in everybody, but you know just as he would do things. Of course he, even with around his friends, he was still, you know, by me stuff, or be all hud, hud, cluddly, all that. So I don't think that was outside the ordinary, honestly, for any man. So I wouldn't say they're more romantic than any other man. I think there's a you know American men, other men too, who are just as romantic. I think he's just based off the person, honestly, right, yeah, it can come down to individuality as well, okay, and so what about like meeting family and stuff Is his because it's his family here, they back home and drink it, like how did they accept you? Now, that is a different story. Okay, let's go, let's delve into it Now. Oh my, I'm going to start with this one. So, no, they are not accepting, they don't like me.
Speaker 1:I'm not Jamaican and I know that's the reason why, even now that you guys are married, that's an issue Married with children. They stood at funky, that means they stood at the base. But I know I know things, the way they act, the way they treat, because he has other siblings, but their siblings, his siblings, were married to Caribbean people or Jamaican people, islanders, so of course they were treated differently than me, the American, and so, and then Americans are just seen as like wasteful, like entitled, and so they just have perception of how Americans are, like we, you know, think we rule everything that are there to make and culture, family wise I'm not a nice way to put it. One one of his friends told me he's at broke. Jamaican people use their children as like ATM, is like a bank. They see that as an investment. So they're always big, big, big and they do, and that's one of the issues I have. They big, big, big for everything.
Speaker 1:They feel like if they have children over here, they're in America, they must mean they have money, they have to send it back and so, yeah, I was going to touch on that. I was like, yes, culturally, if you're African, caribbean, typically like, if you're the spouse, like, you automatically know that like that's going to. You know how we like say, we got to pay our light with our rent bill. This like I almost would categorize it as a bill, in the sense that this money I know is going to go back to the family, and that's ridiculous and that's not what I agree with. I don't agree with that.
Speaker 1:If I can get up and I can go to work and I can do what I need to do, then you could do the same. I don't work to get my money away to other people. If someone needs help, that's totally different. But I don't believe in enabling people and I will say that's the American mentality. Right, in America, I mean, yes, we help each other out, but it's not something that we like regularly like, oh, let me get my money back Now, I will. Now I will say, to be fair though, that maybe the jobs that we will have, so let's say, I mean it kind of evens out. But let's say we're making $30 an hour. Right, they may make, you know, $5, and I like I don't really know, that's like really low, but you will be surprised how much people make. And so it does seem like in America that we're making a lot of money, but we also pay, you know $2,000 for a rent and like a card note and we have all these different things.
Speaker 1:So I do think that people believe that we are making a lot of money, but they don't realize in America we're in a rat race. I feel like the Caribbean islands or, you know, africa, sometimes like like life is a lot slower. You know what I'm saying. And there's always this need to kind of get basically like we're always working, like we don't even get a chance sometimes to even enjoy the fruit of our labor because we're always at work, you know what.
Speaker 2:I'm saying Exactly.
Speaker 1:So that is definitely an interesting thing, that I'm sure when people listening to this portion of the video, they're going to have a lot of comments about whether or not it's right or wrong, but I do think it is a culture thing. So I guess for me, as if I were dating an African or a Caribbean, I guess it was something I would just expect, because I don't like to get between nobody and they mama, they siblings, like whatever. You know what I'm saying. Longest I'm cared for. Longest I got food on myself. Now don't send nothing back home If we ain't got nothing to eat. In our bills, our paper, we have a little extra money. It's like I just be like okay, you know so anyway, keep going.
Speaker 2:And I don't.
Speaker 1:And to me, if you want to set aside a mountain, I'm not to give some, then that's fine, but that's not enough because it keeps coming. So you can send 200, then you send 500, then guess what? They're not happy, we need more. And so you end up sending all these thousands. That's when it becomes a problem, and that's the problem. They're not happy with what you send.
Speaker 1:We've had a relative that can send you but was like oh well, I graduated from 100. You can send more, excuse me, you get what we give you, but it's entitlement. They're so entitled to like. We need these things, and that's one of the reasons why they don't like me, because I'm not like that. The other girls say you know, the other wives have me, but that's a culture. They send stuff, they do this, they do that, and I'm like I have to give. I'm going back to school. They tell me you know?
Speaker 1:No, I think too, because because they haven't even been as welcome as you think that they should, then you're really kind of like well, you're not even welcoming, right, we still have to say they're not welcoming. What do you say? My husband was deployed, they didn't check on me. They didn't check on me. They don't nothing Like even now, it's my family and my kids they check on me. They buy my kids stuff, they don't buy my kids stuff, they don't check on my kids, but then you begging money.
Speaker 1:No, that's not how it works, right? So I think so. Yes, so there is. There is like a lot of conflict in there on both sides. So they see you as one way, you see you as one, I mean, they see you as another way. Instead of like kind of bridging that gap, like because you guys are family, at this point, like my hope is that I can bridge the gap someday. And I don't know, and I'm pretty sure your husband probably feels like he's tug of war you know what I'm saying With his family and you. So my hope for you is that that can be, you know.
Speaker 1:I'm hoping that he, because he has a lot of frustration with it too, and I think that he and he has started putting his foot down more and things like that is a lot. And I think that's another thing, because it's like I guess if I wasn't here then maybe, you know, he would have continued to do that, but he didn't see a lot of the stuff that's happening until we got together and they just within the family itself, their culture there's a lot of trauma. There's a lot of things that go on that he think is normal. That's not normal, like I said, for that, for instance, he got over here. He's like your parents give you money yeah, that's usually what parents do. He's never seen that before. He's always had to take his food from him, so he was shocked to see his parents give money. When I met him he was.
Speaker 1:oh my goodness, how old were we? I have a count of he was about 31, I believe. Yeah, yeah, he was 31. He had a birthday. I bought my birthday cake. That was his first birthday cake. They've never bought him a birthday cake. They birthday come around. He's sent money. His birthday come around, he gets nothing. But all those things were normal to him. I had explained to him that's not normal, that's not normal behavior, but that's what he's used to. So there's a lot of trauma, a lot of just worldviews and things that he has exposed to. That's not okay.
Speaker 1:And you know I do find too, and again I always got to reiterate that we're not speaking for everybody, because people will come and say, now you're speaking for everybody. No, we're not.
Speaker 1:But I do find a lot that I noticed that birthdays seems to be more of like an American thing, because when I talk to a lot of people from these different places, like growing up, like birthdays kind of like and I don't know if it was due to a lack of money or whatever, because if we don't have a whole lot, I'm not thinking about buying a birthday cake and throwing a whole party. You know what I'm saying. So I'm wondering is that it or is that another part of the culture? Or, again, is that something that we do in America? Because you know, we go all out for first birthday party. I think it's just based off people, because they do think for everybody else. I mean, and if you have birthday parties, since they're having to be going back, they shut down the whole thing for that. So no, they have the money to do it, they're able to do it when they want to. Okay, okay, but it's not everybody, because other friends that we have who are Jamaican as well and they don't have experience. One of our friends, her father, gives her money, so her lifestyle you know she was in Jamaica was more of an American lifestyle, so she was more used to being that I was used to Okay and and okay, let's.
Speaker 1:Let's switch to another topic In terms of like. So we always talk about we talk about marriage. There are a lot of things that we have to combine, like bills and like you know how to share stuff and different things like that. So, from speaking of like perspective, like if somebody is married to someone, like how do you guys do it? Is it something that you're like oh, we split bills, we combine them together, like how is somebody's married? Like what would you suggest that they do as a couple? When it comes to like finances, I think it's different for everybody. I really do. I think you just have to figure out what works best for you guys. With us, we split things Because they win the military, so they give us housing money for housing.
Speaker 1:So it makes sense for us to split housing because they give us money for it. So he takes care of that completely and he does take care of most of the bills, and that's one thing I will say about him. And I have noticed this about Jamaican men in general. I say not compared to any other race, kind of some black man who do come by, dad does it but he takes care of us very, very well. I don't have to worry about anything.
Speaker 1:He's always been a great provider and he does take care of most of the bills. So I will say that we do split some things. So some of the things I have are like the lower bills but everything else insurance, all that of course I'm on his insurance. But our mortgage he pays for. Happy for the phone bill is a little stuff I handle, but all the big stuff he has, Okay, and that's absolutely nice.
Speaker 1:I can't say whether or not that should be the case or not because, like you said, different relationships for different folk, and so you mentioned that you are a mother, how?
Speaker 1:how is his role as a father Like? How would you say he does with the children? Oh, he, they are crazy about him and he does really, really well. I still think he's working on his patients, but I think part of that too just can be in the military, oh and shoulders. So I think that's a totally that has a piece of it too. And then to just some of the things and the love that you know, all the, some of the heat and experience. Part of he's learning to do now, or he's learning to be the father that he wanted. So, but I think that he loves the kids. He does a great job. He helps on, helps get up there at the night when they were younger. They're older now. Like I said, he's back and forth, but when he's here he gets up, he dresses them. My mom had a bit for my mom and so I went out of town and he kept them the whole weekend by himself.
Speaker 1:So yeah, they gave you a break too, so but have you been back to Jamaica with the kids?
Speaker 1:Not with the children, we have just been. He's taken me, like I've been, but we have not been with the children yet. We've talked about it because of COVID and everything, the song was in really bad and then to just to make itself not being very safe. I was kind of nervous about that too. Okay, I want to touch on a subject that most people mentioned, and it was funny because I did another video and somebody was like I want to know this question. So you know what they say about you making me. Well, there's a lot of, there's a lot of stereotypes about Jamaica. Okay, but we're gonna talk about a couple of them, and one of those is fidelity or infidelity about Jamaica. You always hear that they have multiple girlfriends, multiple this, multiple that. So is that something that is true or do you think again it's more?
Speaker 1:individual based or like what do you think on that? And then to you guys are far apart. So how do you deal with that? Like trust, basically in terms of those topics? Again, I do think it is based off just. I think it's based off the person, but I will say it's common and just to make a culture itself. I know some very, very good Jamaican men and then some real ratchet ones too, but I think, again, it's the culture honestly, because I got my husband had issues with that. When we were together we first started dating and even after marriage since if I'm looking at each and seven, what you know are people calling him or seeing messages and stuff like we ain't doing this. And then even mother said his dad himself has a whole other family.
Speaker 1:But that's everybody knows about it, everybody knows, but that's common, that's common in their culture, that's common Like that was commonplace. And so I said a lot of things that he thought was normal growing up. I said it's not normal, but that's commonplace. That happens a lot. And I say a lot of Jamaican women. I had a friend tell me like you know, growing up you just taught just to deal with it. Yeah, and they just deal with it. And I'm like why? Yeah, you don't have to, but that's fair, told, if he's taken care of you, he comes home to you. It doesn't matter. And so I love him, do that. And unfortunately there's a lot of women with low self esteem who will allow themselves to be the mistress. So I do think it's a problem just within their culture itself, because I do see it a lot. And I said we've had issues with that. Yeah, so trust, I don't trust nobody 100%. Anyways, right, right, anybody, everybody's capable of doing anything Exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah so thank you for being transparent about it and letting us know that it has occurred, but it's something that you guys talked about and are working on, and then it's hard to break those generational curses. If he saw his father doing it, what's to stop him? You know what I'm saying? Right, right, right. It's hard to think. What is their quote? Oh my God, of course now I can't think of the cause like something about grow up a boy so that they're not broken as a man, or something like that.
Speaker 2:And it just reminds me of.
Speaker 1:If we start young doing correctly things, we can get through these things as adults, but it gets a little bit more difficult when these are already learned behaviors, right.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, so yeah, so that's always very interesting.
Speaker 1:I guess I won't mention the other thing that people talk about when it comes to making me. I'm curious. We mentioned in our other ones. You know Jamaicans are known to be very good sexually. Let's put it out there. I do agree with that, without that, without dubbing too much in it too, we'll keep it. I agree with that. That's a good thing, that's it.
Speaker 1:And it's funny because you met your husband here and it would be interesting to talk to me, but you know that have met their partner over in Jamaica. Like what does that look like as well. That brings out about a whole another thing. But bringing it back to culture, like what do you think about? Like the food and like dancing, and like what are some of those things that you like, absolutely enjoy or appreciate about his culture? Definitely the food, oh my goodness. And then just the fellowship when we do get together.
Speaker 1:I remember I used to go over there and they'll be speaking Pachua and I've been having no idea what they're saying, but they started teaching me and they would teach me and his friend would sit there and say you know what they said. I'm like no, and he would tell me, and so they just had it. That's how they taught me. Just enough to can't speak it back, understand, but I would have listened very closely with you Because it's so fast. You're like okay, wait what? And then some of the words mean different meanings. It was funny. I was watching a YouTube video about this lady who says you're making words and like listen, but I'm like, okay, I know, if I go to Jamaica. That has a wholly different meaning than what I think it was.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's cool that you're able to learn the language and I love like jerk chicken. I don't know, I know jerk chicken is a staple right here. I don't know if that's something that is he can cook. That's not. My husband can cook some jerk. He can cook, period. But some jerk chicken, oh, he throws down. Yeah, he can cook very well with your chicken. On to that. Beef patties I love oh yeah, what about?
Speaker 1:cocoa bread. You know he loves that. I'm not a fan, but I do like he. Okay, so he does the dumplings and then the next morning we'll cut them up and fry them. Oh my goodness, they're so delicious. I don't know if I've had the dumplings before, but I mean I like dumplings, so that sounds good. Well, you would like it then? Yeah, it is very good. And he makes the brown stew chicken for me. Um yeah, the food is definitely.
Speaker 1:I can't, I can't wait to go back. Only one on a crew. It was funny because I was on a vacation. Um on it to Jamaica and they say don't bring speech. Yeah, I need to go back to Jamaica at half past five. And what about that?
Speaker 1:What about the music. Do you like the reggae? Yes, I love the music. Um, you know, like the clothing and he bought me like some bracelets, and so I do. I really enjoy all that, just the culture itself. When you do go, make sure to you get on like the mainland, not just the touristy areas. Right, that's what the best food is when you go to the main areas. We went to the shack, oh my goodness, that's the best trip I ever had. I'm definitely more of a local person. I love to do a touristy thing, but I'm like now I want to hang out with people from there because they know the best way to go.
Speaker 1:I have two more questions for you. One of the questions is how do you plan to incorporate, um like their culture dear, the Jamaican culture, within your kids, like, how do you plan to like make sure that they're like proud Jamaicans? Well, we do, and I do have certain holidays and things like that. We do try to keep that in mind. I'm not really young enough to understand, but we do have like clothing, shirts, place making, music. He talks to them most impact. Well, sometimes, um, he talks we have family members to is not necessarily his immediate family, but his cousins. They come and visit us, um, they talk to them, we hear them. He has an auntie that I'm close to actually, I'm very close to one of his aunties and so we spend a lot of time with her and they loved Jamaican food and I was like that's the spicy, my baby's the spicy food, like, okay, so that's good I always love for people to keep the culture alive within their kids, so that you know that it doesn't stop at just the parents.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 1:So this was a fun. This was a great time. So, last final thoughts If somebody were marrying a Jamaican or dating Jamaica, give us some last final words of advice for someone. Make sure to set your expectations. Let them know what it is that you will accept, you want to accept, and if you say you're going to do something, do not do it. If you say, if you do this, then this was going to happen, make sure it happened. I'll make sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that firm foundation. Talk about those things too. Like what she said happened within relationship, um, cause we got married actually pretty fast. But make sure you take your time and have expectations too, as far as, like, with family, what you expect, what you don't expect, money wise, given the money, how that's going to look and how it's going to look as far as raising your children. So just make sure that expectations are set from the beginning so that way, when something happens, there's no surprise, like you guys already have worked out or you already know what's going to happen. Okay, all right. Well, thank you so much. This was great and I'm pretty sure people can pick up some nuggets from me, um, and this is wonderful. So, thank you so much, kayla. I really appreciate you coming on and doing this interview with us. You are welcome. Thanks for having me. You're very welcome.