Ever wondered about the complexities of dating and marrying African men? Well, you've hit the jackpot in this episode! We have two amazing guests, Shanay and Jasmine, who unravel their personal experiences of dating and marrying African men from Ghana, Nigeria, and the United States. They let us into their journeys, from the joys and challenges they've faced to the cultural nuances they've had to navigate.
From traditional dating to FaceTime chats and yoga sessions, Shanay and Jasmine have covered it all. They share how their partners' cultural backgrounds have significantly shaped their relationships, all while living in the U.S. Moreover, they confront stereotypes, showing us how African men express love and trust, which may contrast traditional American dating norms. But it's not all about the dating; we also venture into topics of marriage, wedding planning, and sustaining the spark even after the wedding bells have rung.
Speaking of wedding bells, we discuss the intricacies of wedding planning and the reality of married life when merging African and American cultures. The importance of language, finances, honoring both cultures, and the inevitable green card discussions all feature in their narratives. We highlight the significance of communication, respect for family, and the need to continuously date each other even after tying the knot. This episode is a treasure trove of insights for those interested in international relationships and cultural amalgamation. Buckle up for an enlightening ride!
Ever wondered about the complexities of dating and marrying African men? Well, you've hit the jackpot in this episode! We have two amazing guests, Shanay and Jasmine, who unravel their personal experiences of dating and marrying African men from Ghana, Nigeria, and the United States. They let us into their journeys, from the joys and challenges they've faced to the cultural nuances they've had to navigate.
From traditional dating to FaceTime chats and yoga sessions, Shanay and Jasmine have covered it all. They share how their partners' cultural backgrounds have significantly shaped their relationships, all while living in the U.S. Moreover, they confront stereotypes, showing us how African men express love and trust, which may contrast traditional American dating norms. But it's not all about the dating; we also venture into topics of marriage, wedding planning, and sustaining the spark even after the wedding bells have rung.
Speaking of wedding bells, we discuss the intricacies of wedding planning and the reality of married life when merging African and American cultures. The importance of language, finances, honoring both cultures, and the inevitable green card discussions all feature in their narratives. We highlight the significance of communication, respect for family, and the need to continuously date each other even after tying the knot. This episode is a treasure trove of insights for those interested in international relationships and cultural amalgamation. Buckle up for an enlightening ride!
Hello everyone, welcome to we're. In the Heard is Tiffany. We have some special guests on today and I am super excited to talk to these ladies, and we are talking about dating African men. So let's welcome Shanay and Jasmine, and I'm going to let you all introduce yourself before we get into our topic for today. So, shanay, we'll start off with you. Let us know a little bit about who you are. Thank you, hello everyone. My name is Shanay. I am a travel storyteller and I use digital media to share my travel experiences, and I also have a travel company, business and Travel, where I talk about how to become a travel lifestyle content creator, and I also am a former Peace Corps volunteer, so I share a lot about my international experience as well as dating abroad. So I do share some stories on my channel and through my content about my relationship with my husband. So thank you all for joining us. All right, jess.
Speaker 2:Thank you, tiffany. Hey everybody, my name is Jasmine Acocha and I am currently an expat living in Ecuador and has been an expat for about five years with the State Department. My husband and I we travel for work and it's an amazing opportunity to do so. And, as I mentioned, my husband we're going to talk about him in today's video and how we got together and just that whole story. So I'm really excited to speak with you, ladies, about this topic. I think it'll be very interesting.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yes, I always think dating is interesting and a fun topic to talk about, and so I'm super excited I'm wearing my advocate earrings because we're talking about the continent, but I think this conversation is very important because, as women, we're looking for love or we want to find love right, and sometimes here in America we may not be finding that Not to say that you can't, but you know it's okay to look outside. And the reason why I say this is because the first time that I went to Ghana oh, that was so long ago, it was in college, and there was definitely a difference. When I say the men were loving me and I was loving them right back, like it was, it was all good, so I was like I'm living on the wrong continent.
Speaker 1:That's what came to my mind, because it was just it was. It was different and I wasn't used to it, you know. So it was definitely a breath of fresh air, and so I love to just talk about this topic, and I find a lot of people that go to Ghana. They usually come back for somebody I mean. So super fun topics to get into, so let's just jump right into it. A dating and African man like what does dating look like? And we can even do some compare and contrast. Have you dated men in America and you found a difference? Or was it the same? So anybody can jump in and answer the question about what is it like a dating and African man?
Speaker 1:And let me also point out that too we're kind of talking about I'm going to say, three countries. So obviously Africa has so many countries, but we're only talking about three from our experiences my experiences with the name is with the nice man and jazz is.
Speaker 2:Nigerian.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's so. I wanted to make that this time. People would be like, well, you're talking about the whole African man, we're talking about specifically these three countries, right? So, okay, everybody jump in, let me know what is your, what was your? Well, just let me start off with you because I know you got a chance to really date your husband, so let us know, like, what that looked like.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, yeah, we've been together, for I'm going to say my husband recently said, for like 13 years. We've been married, almost six years coming up this weekend, but we've been together. We're college sweetheart, thank you, yeah, we met in college, funnily enough, at an African United meeting that he was vice president of at the time, and it was just me, my little African American self, just looking for clubs, and just so happened to tag along with a friend of mine that was going and wanted to be integrated into the community, and she was like just come with me, you might like it. And I went and I saw him and was like he's cute.
Speaker 1:So that's kind of how it started.
Speaker 2:But what I will say is, aside from that tie in of you know, african United and just having that community, I don't know, our relationship wasn't necessarily anything. I'll say, dating wise wasn't anything necessarily different than you know the men that I've dated in the past. We have so much in common and we had so much in common when we were in college and you know, I think we were just in a bubble so and we'll probably get to this, I think without the familial influences, it was just like the two of us. So there wasn't really anything that was necessarily like tied to he's African and I'm African American. It was just like the two of us, two of us dating and the two of us in our college bubble. And you know, that's how that went.
Speaker 1:I do have a question for you, jess. So Nigerians and again, we maybe talk about a lot of stereotypes here, so don't know nobody, you matters Before Nigerians they are known to not be romantic, so would you consider your now, or what, before you even got to the point of marriage, dating wise? Is he romantic or is he not? And is that something that you even cared about or even thought about when you thought?
Speaker 2:about him. You know what I actually would say he was pretty romantic, he tried his best and I know we put in this caveat as well. So my husband moved to the United States when he was around six or seven. So even that kind of tells the story of how influential his culture and his background was to his upbringing and then us dating as well. But you know, I would say again, with us being in our bubble, romantic, romantic wise, he tried his best, as best as a young 20, something knew how to do and, as I knew how to accept, I was just, I thought everything he did was cute and romantic as we were dating. You know how that goes. So you know, it was, it was, it was great. And now, looking back, I'm like I'm really proud of him. He actually tried. No, no, he's cute.
Speaker 1:Right, the effort is what matters a lot. I think when it comes to relationships, we as women have to say that we have low standards, but the smallest things can make us happy. Like you know what I'm saying and I wish you guys recognized that, the small things will put a smile on our faces. Okay, shanae, we're going to move to you. So you had a different dating experience, so tell us about your dating experience and how that came about. Just speaking on the small things, really quick, the cutest thing to me was that he listened. So we had met earlier in the day, like early, early morning, and then he invited me over to dinner, which I normally don't do. Like you, meet somebody on first day, go to their house for dinner. I normally don't do this, but I was living life on the edge and I was free and I was open and I didn't. You know, I was like he's really nice and I want to try it. You know, I want to learn more about Senegalese culture.
Speaker 1:So wait let me stop here real quick, shanae. I must say that I live on the edge when I'm traveling. You were in another country, so I feel like it's easier to live life on the edge. There are some things that I would probably do in Ghana today that I would not do here in America, just to point that out. Yes, yes, that's very true. That's very true, because even when I tell the story, people are like what I'm like I know? Well, I mean, it's not that it was anything super risky, but you know you don't. You're taught not to do stuff on the first day. You're taught not to go with, you know strangers and all these things. But you all have both been to Morocco, so you know what it's like there in terms of the culture, in terms of the hospitality, in terms of the people, in terms of trust and security. So for me, it wasn't an issue for security, it was just like this is something I grew up knowing. You know this is what you don't do when you need somebody on the first date, but nonetheless, I broke the rules and had the best night of my life, because one of the sweetest things that he did was earlier that day we met. I told him I was vegetarian. So he invites me over to dinner and significantly, people are not vegetarian and he brings me this plate. He went to the market and he goes. He brings me this plate with blueberries and strawberries and presents it to me Like here you go, and I'm like he's so sweet, he listened and so that's just to point out. Jazz is like just the simplest things really do matter and I'm going to share my experience from just my experience dating other men I can't speak for all Senegalese men and my just my experience. I and this is a bad thing but also a good thing. You know, you say you're not supposed to compare your old relationships to new relationships, but I did often find myself doing that because there were qualities in him that I really, really liked that was lacking in other relationships. So it was like dad, he does that like again. It's the simplest things, just like communication. He knows how to talk to me. When he's feeling, when he's feeling any type of mood, he can come to me and have those conversations. So I'm jumping the gun.
Speaker 1:But in terms of how we first met in dating, it was really different for us because I was a Peace Corps volunteer, I lived three hours away from the Capitol, which is where he lived. So our dating was like on and off. It was like I would come into the city, I would spend the weekend with him, or however long with him, and then I would go back to my city and we would be on the phone every day, facetime and every day, and then I would come back, you know, depending on when, like what was going on in headquarters or if we had some type of training or something, or I just went for it to spend a weekend because it was it's close, so I could do a three hour trip for the weekend and spend the weekend there. So that's kind of how our dating worked out. It wasn't, it was not, definitely not the typical go out to dinner Kind, of course. It's like a thing. Our dates were like FaceTime and we did yoga together.
Speaker 1:So for me that was really fun. So it's like he was interested in the things that I was interested in. And even if it was to kind of impress me or to you know beat, spend time with me, or to get my attention, it was really important for me because I'm in a country by myself. You know, I have my peace core friends there, but my family is not there. So he really became like a part of my support system when we, when we met and got to spend time together and I really learned about how he thinks as a person and I think it's also really Important to point out she's like you just said dating comes in all different forms. Okay, so for me for dating African men I've never lived in Africa before, so the man that I talked to initially it was from a distance. This was, this was dating for me started way back. Oh, do you guys remember Black Planet days?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's where dating started for me, for being introduced to good name in, and so there was no typically dating. Like you said, for me, we're definitely on the internet. You know, I'm saying talking daily, doing different things like that. The interesting thing about dating, though, was that it can still be done, but just in different type of way. I've had guys send flowers for my birthday balloons, and these are things that you don't typically think about, but I thought that was romantic, because sometimes you can't get flowers from guys living here in the States, let alone somebody sending flowers and balloons from somewhere else. So I think it's different for everybody, and I think you just have to take that into Into consideration when you're dating, especially if you guys are not in the same place at one particular time. So I like that.
Speaker 1:We have varied experiences around dating, also with the context. So here's the funny thing before I moved to Morocco, I actually met a Senegalese guy, so I have been single for like two years prior to moving to Morocco, and my therapist was like you know what? You need to go on a dating site so you can meet other men and you can kind of get you know, get myself out there, and so I did that and I met the Senegalese guy Coincidentally on this dating app here in Cleveland. And so for us, dating here in Cleveland, in this context, we did go out, you know, go out to dinner. We did do like physical activities, like we went on walks. When we played racquetball, we did, we were gonna go to a concert together. So we did do, I guess, what you would consider American dating.
Speaker 1:But for me, now that I think about it and I think about my experience with Musa and him, also being Senegalese, but in Africa, my experience here in the Cleveland with the Senegalese man was different. It was like he was doing, he was doing Americanized things and In my mind it didn't even register to me that he had come from a different culture, that he was Muslim, that he spoke a different language. None of that have registered and it was because we were here in the US and in this context. But when I moved to Morocco and, you know, got exposed to Even Moroccan culture, moroccan lifestyle, it was like oh wow, I didn't even recognize it.
Speaker 1:I was interacting with someone who, who not assimilated to US culture, but I don't know at what age. He moved here, so he could, he could very well identify more as an American versus a Senegalese or you know. However, at whatever time he moved, but it was totally different and they're Like good to point because, like you said, one may have been Americanized where the other one something like bringing you fruit, maybe seen as shown, as you know, a dating style or appreciation or love, or whatever the case is because that's where he's from. So it's always good to know that as well. There's definitely going to be differences from somebody like jazz your husband grew up here since he was younger, to somebody that was, from the content, I'm pretty sure, nigerian. They're very strong in their culture, so I'm pretty sure you got that as well, but it's still a different experience. We're you about to say something, guys?
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I was gonna say that it's. I think that's why I mentioned earlier we had so much in common and so it wasn't necessarily like there was the influence of family or culture, unless it was a part of the College group that we were in, unless we were doing programs and different things like that. So the cultural aspects at first weren't necessarily there and it just felt like we had so many things in common because we did a lot of traditionally American things and and I guess that's why it's great that we've been together so long because we've had time to Learn each other's cultures I've had a lot of time it to kind of take it slowly versus, you know, getting it all at once, which isn't a bad thing either. But in my early 20s there were just a lot of other things that I was focused on as well. So, yeah, it was just a very different experience, but but rewarding right at.
Speaker 1:I like the fact that you had that Experience, though, because I feel like a lot of times, if you visit, if you visit a country and then you decide to get married, the process is very quick. You don't get a chance to Date like you would, to actually know how a person is my dreams, my 20 years and not know how they are, but you get what I'm saying, and so I feel like that is the opportunity to grow together, find those Nuances and all those different things, and I like the fact that you guys were college sweethearts. Okay. So the other thing I want to mention if you guys are apart In Shanae, you are a part two from your husband right now. What are some things that you can do to stay in that day? Do I remember you just to? What are you still doing because you guys have? So the other thing for you your dad's. You guys been together for so long. How do you guys keep it? I'm gonna say hiding heavy, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like how, do you keep this Exactly how?
Speaker 1:do you keep that? You know some spicy Nigerian food like. How do you keep?
Speaker 1:it spicy for you and this today how do you keep it going from being a distance? Because I know there's other people that are like what ideas can I do to make sure that we are staying Connected, because that's a that's another hard thing. I'll start with a couple things, just some easy little things, like picking a Netflix movie we're having movie night, even though, where you know, far apart or making sure that there is phone. Okay, what's going on your life? What's going on in your life? You know what I'm saying? Or sending stuff to each other. That's another good way to stay connected, if I have. I was thinking about the pick up this puzzle. I can't show you.
Speaker 2:Anyway, I had a puzzle.
Speaker 1:So if I sent a puzzle and we did it together, just it's like little Quirk, little things, but I think it's so cute and I think that's a good way to stay connected. So, jazz, how do you guys keep it a spice?
Speaker 2:Well, tonight is date night. So, even though we are in this whole panorama situation, we are still making sure that we're gonna spend some time together. We are gonna rent a movie and we're cooking tonight too, so we make sure to do. We just do stuff together. So, and we plan in advance.
Speaker 2:So we've been talking about we're gonna have nachos tonight, which is really special for us living abroad because it's really hard to find all the ingredients. So we have to plan and like get all this stuff and we've been talking about it for like two weeks and so in that we know it's gonna be really special and so just spending time together, being intentional with what we're doing and all of that stuff is really important and just making sure that you know, with being married for so long too, that we're acknowledging each other in the things that we do. And so, despite you know us being kind of locked down right now, you know we're still working and working from home, and so even that means that we're seeing each other 24-7. But making sure that we're acknowledging all the work that we're doing separately and then coming together and just Appreciating each other is really good and I think that helps.
Speaker 1:I think that is excellent, that you guys are still doing date night. I think a lot of people, you know we get comfortable in relationships and so we stopped doing the things that we were doing when we're chasing after that person's like. No, we still need to do those things to keep it fun and exciting, and making dinner is definitely, I feel, like an intimate thing to do together. I think a lot of times we think about solely about sex, and it's not all about this. Where is the intimacy to eat before? I even want to have sex with you? I want to be like so for us, because we are, we are currently apart. A lot of what we do is just the constant communication so talking every day like he'll, because we're in two different time zones. He'll wake me up in the morning and then we'll check in midday. We'll check in the night before he goes to bed. So it's just that constant Staying in contact with one another and then also keeping up with what each other has going on, because we both are. Which is one of the things that attracts me to him is that he is somebody that's on the go, like he's moving, and I really like that. They have the same. They don't let you, don't let grass grow under your feet, and so I think for both of us, we kind of match in that way. So we're always keeping up with each other, so we're calling each other, face-timing just to see what's going on. And then also, one of the things that I wanted to share was that we're very Consultative towards one another. So when we're and this isn't necessarily dating, but because we're in this long distance we are doing our best to keep up with one another. So, for example, if I have something going on like my video or this, like this, our chat is like oh, I have this going on, you know, let me tell you about it, let me tell you my ideas, and then you tell me what you think and tell me, you know, what things I should say from your perspective. So I do have some things that I'll share from his perspective, being an African man, and I think just for us is really just that communication, just staying in contact with one another.
Speaker 1:And when we were living in, when I was living in Morocco and we were long distance, it was yoga every night. So that's, that's how we that was considered. Our dating was like okay, you know, you come home from work. When you come home We'll do yoga, because I had a lot. Three times I was a Peace Corps volunteer, so I had all the time and took kind of wait for him to come home and then we plan something from there.
Speaker 1:But now, because we're in two different time zones and we are both just Just on the go, we haven't like done any dedicated dating, but we have attempted to, and now so an idea of that would be like going back to doing yoga and then also just having like I Forgot there was. I was talking to my therapist and she recommended that we do something. I can't even remember because we didn't do it and so it's just been. It's just been like keeping up with each other in time zones, because it's like During the day he's working and then at night he's not working, he's about to go to bed and I'm finished with working, so I'm, you know, ready to do something, but, yeah, trying to be on that time.
Speaker 1:Those time zones are very interesting, but you just mean to say I like that would be so dope if we had a talk chat with the men to see how they feel about dating American women.
Speaker 2:Yes, that would be interesting.
Speaker 1:We're gonna switch gears a little bit. The next conversation I have is what about the word love? And I say love because African men are known to be like they see you the first day and they're in love. I'm like you don't love me, you don't even know me, like, what is up with that? So I, because I'm familiar with you, know some African men and I know this. When people say that I be like, oh, just don't, don't worry about it, that's just how they are, because American men is hard to get that out of them, especially if it's very new.
Speaker 1:So were your partners the same? Where was the automatic like love you? Were you put off by that? Where you like oh, that's cool.
Speaker 1:Or like what was your thought process behind that particular conversation? Because I hear all the time, I'll say this. So, when I was asking what sound like, oh, I'm doing this live, we're going to be talking about African men, what should I say? And he, he said love. He's like we love.
Speaker 1:We're very serious about relationships and I'll find that to be true, and that's one of the things that I wanted to respond to when you mentioned about dating. The biggest thing for us, because we're long distance, is just trust. So, even though we haven't built in, we're going to have dinner together, you know, or we're going to try to do this together the fact that I trust him. I'm okay if we haven't done those things, because I know when we are together we do do those things, and so now it's just like us really just passing time. But anyway, back to love. Yes, it's very quick, I would say from my experience is very quick, and I'm very reserved, naturally. But I won't say that he's not the first person that has said I love you before. I said it in my past relationships. So for me it wasn't like, oh, he's just telling me this because he's African. It was like, okay, you know, but me I'm more reserved.
Speaker 1:So I told him flat out we still need to get to know each other, and so I'm not going to say it because that's how I've had those conversations where I'm like, you're not in love, don't know me, I could be the worst, probably the evilest person in the world, and here you are talking about somebody, love boy.
Speaker 1:You don't know nothing.
Speaker 1:I would say yes, my experience living in Morocco, even if like so for my host families, for example, I stayed with them for two weeks and I love them and it was because they took care of me, they fed me, they made sure I was safe, they made sure I had a room, my room was clean, my clothes are washed, like they took care of me, like I lived at home with my parents.
Speaker 1:So I will say that when you and you, you may feel the same way because you study the broad Tiffany, just living with the host family or living with people outside of your, outside of your comfort zone, you do tend to grow quicker bonds with people. So, even though, even though, like I said, he said it first, it wasn't startling, because one I love my host family two weeks into living with them, because they I felt safe there, I felt secure there and also because I think I just feel like that's, that's what they say is just like a like I love you is one of the main English words phrases that most people outside of the US know. Right off the back Right.
Speaker 1:I mean that's what it was your thought behind that. Was it quicker or not?
Speaker 2:Oh no, it wasn't quick at all and I think it's again though the whole life that he was already living in America and already assimilated and all that stuff. What's funny is I definitely had a crush on him. Like I told you, I saw him first I was like he's cute, right, like that was my first thought. His first thought, from what he's told me multiple times, is that he wasn't even checking for me. He was busy. He was book and busy with all the things. He was busy, he was like it.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. And so it's funny because I actually I was in a music program at it at the time and one of the requirements was to go to concerts and one of the concerts was at night and so I was like okay, I mean I don't want to go by myself, like it's dark and maybe you know, if I ask him, like of course I'm cute, like he's going to say yes, right, he'll take me to this concert. So I asked him and it was after one of the African United meetings and I asked if he'd like to go with me. It wasn't necessarily asking him on an official date.
Speaker 2:I was just like hey, you know, I have this concert to go to, Would you like to accompany me, or whatever. I said at the time and he was like I'm sorry, but I can't, I have a party to go to with all these other people. And I was like, oh, so let's just say that, yeah, getting together it took some time. So we've been in this pursuit of love for quite some time, but, you know, eventually we set it to each other and obviously we've been together ever since. So it's it. You know he was, he was worth the wait, but I'm also a catch right. So I was just like you were definitely a catch, jess.
Speaker 1:So my next topic we're going to talk about is like traditional roles. So there's also this stereotype that African men are very traditional the man goes to work, brings home the money, woman stays at home. There is no kind of mixture of the roles. So let me know what your, what is it like in your relationship when it comes to traditional roles and also to within that to Shanae mentioned therapy like with your partners, be open to marriage, counseling or therapy. And for me, I didn't experience the traditional role thing and dating them. I actually felt like they cook better than me, they clean better than me, and so I look forward to there, I look forward to when they cook, I look forward to when they clean the house, I look forward to them earning my clothes. So all of these traditional stereotypes that people said was not my experience at all, and so do you guys have the same experience, or are they pretty traditional? Anybody can go first.
Speaker 2:I can go, I'll say this.
Speaker 2:So again, dating and the whole bubble situation, you know, it wasn't really something I paid attention to until I got married and I think I put the traditional roles upon myself.
Speaker 2:I think that if I could be real, that was probably one of the challenges we had early on in the marriage, because I was trying to like figure out my purpose and who I was and all this stuff.
Speaker 2:While you know, he is the Foreign Service Officer and although I did have employment during our early years as well, it was still like, okay, well, he's working so hard, so I want to make sure that I do all these things that I've been socialized to do keeping the house perfectly clean and making sure that I'm cooking and all of that stuff. But what I realized it kind of took away from him being able to do those things because I was already doing them, and so what I realized too is he cooks so well, he cleans and he, you know, he takes care of me and I take care of him. And it took me having to kind of let my guard down and let go of those stereotypical ideals from my point of view to actually see that it's more collaborative and it works really well this way, and it's okay if sometimes I cook and clean more than he does, because some days I'm not doing anything and he will pick up the slack and do as much as he can and as much as he wants to, and it's great yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think that's the thing about having the partnership as well and kind of discussing those things from the get go. Is this something that we're going to do together? What do you expect from me, or vice versa? And so I'm glad that you guys kind of figure out your playing field to be like okay, this is something that he may be enjoying as well, and so am I. So where can we come together to see how it can be?
Speaker 2:Maybe one day I cook the next day.
Speaker 1:You are maybe one week you cook and whatever the case is just trying to figure out what that is.
Speaker 2:What's your?
Speaker 1:experience, my experience. We always joke about this because Musa is always like if we were in Senegal and I was a Senegalese woman, I would be doing more than I am, because culturally he's like the men, they don't do anything. And now this is us, you know, between us joking and everything, but Musa, really, he caters to me, he's like. He, like you said, he cooks better. So I'm already like love book, what. What are we having for dinner? And I think sometimes too. When we first met, I made eggs really bad and I think that messed up my whole reputation for food. And since he's just like I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna teach. And then also that's another thing too we talked about was like one thing to share is they? I think they really like sharing about their culture, their food, how to prepare their food. So that was one of the things that we, we did when we lived together. He would show me how to make chip, yasa mafe, which that's me. You made it.
Speaker 2:But still even right.
Speaker 1:And even with that, even making the food, he still makes it better than me. So it's still like no-transcript. I like cooking, but I'm not somebody who is in the kitchen cooking. That's just my personality. So I think we just work well because he actually he, I want to say he likes cooking.
Speaker 1:But when we first met he was like the reason why he cooks is because he's not living at home, because in Senegal it will be a different experience, but because he moves from Morocco and he is living on his own, he is responsible for feeding himself. So he's like since then I've been cooking and then when we met it was just something that he just does every day. He has to come home from working, prepares food, and so I just kind of got looped into it because naturally I'm not in the kitchen, I'm on my computer doing something, and my family will tell you that all day Like she just stares at her computer, but he really, he really does cater to me. So I would say it's a different. It's.
Speaker 1:It doesn't sound like it's different from what you all experienced, but stereotypically what we hear is what the women has expectation to be the homemaker, and things like that. But even in the 21st century and Moroccan culture, I think, the roles I mean. I think that it has switched to becoming more of a partnership versus you do this, and I do this because, with today's prices and today's economy, both people have to be making money, exactly. I'm wondering. I'm wondering if our perspective will be different if we lived in Ghana, lived in Senegal, lived in.
Speaker 2:Nigeria.
Speaker 1:We may have completely different experiences versus living here, but this is our experiences as we live in America, so name one what's your favorite dish that they cook? Mine is mafe and I actually. Jasmine did a video on her channel making mafe, and mafe is Musa's favorite dish, so we had it. We didn't have it every week, but maybe every two weeks, and so mafe is like this peanut butter stew dish and it has it's like a peanut butter tomato base stew so good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they eat everything with rice, so we had that. And then it has tomatoes, potatoes and different types of vegetables that you put in it, and then he will have chicken on the side for him, because I'm returning, he's not, and it's. It's just so delicious and coating and you're making me hungry.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, that sounds good. So what's funny is I will give my husband a recipe a week and a week, or you know, he'll cook once or twice a week because I do like cooking and so I'm actively cooking. And so he's just like, can I at least cook this week? And I'm like, okay, fine. And so he'll ask me like, what do you want me to cook? And I'll send him a recipe or give him a recipe or look through cookbooks.
Speaker 2:But everything he makes is good, every like. He makes good stews and pastas and taco. I mean literally like if I give him a recipe he will execute it very well. And I'm just like I probably shouldn't cook as often, as you take good care of me. The food is so good he's. He's just good, he's. He's a good chef and he's grown throughout our relationship. I think the first meal that he ever made me in college was a plantain dish with some pasta, yeah, and, and that was sort of kind of traditional. He wanted me to taste plantains for the first time and that was good. But since that first dish he's gotten exponentially better at cooking.
Speaker 1:I think my favorite is Joe LaFries, like I love.
Speaker 2:Joe.
Speaker 1:LaFries. So I'm like, yes, fix that all the time.
Speaker 2:It depends on the spiciness.
Speaker 1:And there's sometimes we're so spicy where I can't barely eat it, but I'm still eating it because it's so good.
Speaker 2:And then there's other times I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:I can eat it today, but either way it's still good, so I absolutely love it. And it was funny going to Ghana and actually making it in Ghana, because where we made, it is they had like a big ship like area for the kitchen, but they still cook outside. So having the experience of eating outside or seeing the make foofoo and it's funny because I feel like Joe LaFries has always been my favorite, I wasn't a big fan of foofoo in some other- dishes but now I feel like it's grown.
Speaker 1:I mean I'm like, oh, I like these things now, but I think that's me. My palate has gone as well. Okay, so my next question is a language. Do you all know the language and do you speak it? Or do they just speak it and you don't? So do you guys know the language? I can say, okay, mangy to do.
Speaker 1:Shanae means my name is Shanae. So if I want to ask you what is your name, I will say nor to do, and then you would say your name. And so there are some things that I learned from him and I'll say when we live together, that's when I learned a lot more, a lot faster, because he talks on the phone a lot and he's talking in a wall of, and he's talking in hyper speed. So I'm listening because I'm trying to tune into the conversation. What are you talking about? So there is like, when we live together, when we live together, there was a lot that I was able to pick up on, and then, when we get back to living together, I'm sure there'll be a lot more, because our kids are going to know what. I want them to know a lot, he wants them to know a lot, so there'll definitely be a thing. But yes, I do know some small phrases like how to say my name and to ask people what their name is and to ask people how they're doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 1:And I think that's go ahead. Yes To what you can talk about this, because you're about kids, but I definitely think it's important for the kids to know the language, whether they're going back home, whether they're around the family, and why not have an extra language to add to your repertoire or whatever the case is. And so it's funny because I just seen somebody posted. They were like I have to pay for classes for my daughter and she's good at it, so it's more than likely treat and because her father won't teach her. Now they're not together, but the point is like I thought that was crazy, like there is no way I'm paying for my child to know this language when that's their native language. So, jazz, you know language.
Speaker 2:I do not. So my husband's family is Igbo and my parents in law they speak Igbo and I mean they'll speak it when I'm around and when he's around and all of that. But my husband actually doesn't speak Igbo. He understands it and what's funny is I'm now starting to I wouldn't say understand, but his mother, she'll be speaking to him and we'll have her on speakerphone or I'll be in the kitchen with him or whatever, and she'll be speaking in English and then slip into Igbo and she's like oh, I'm so sorry, I know that you don't understand that. I was like no, it's fine.
Speaker 2:I actually understood the context of the conversation because this happens all the time. So it's a beautiful language. I would love to learn it. I would love for our kids to learn Igbo as well. I think that's something that, if my husband is interested, that he might have to pick up himself or we'll just have to shift the kids off to their grandparents house for a month or so, right, I do not know tree at all, which is bad because I feel like I've been so many times, but it is what it is.
Speaker 1:But I do think it's easier if you are, like he said, living there, immersed in the culture in terms of parents. I know the parents did not speak any English at all, so there was like little to no conversation, but it's funny because they still wanted you to like sit there, even though I know what was going on. It was like, oh, we just want you in our presence, even though you don't know what the heck we're talking about. You can just say yes, with context, yes, but anyway, I thought it was nice too because it's like oh, they still want me here or they still want me around.
Speaker 1:But, there's a lot of translating involved or going on. Okay, so let's talk about some challenges, because, although these men are wonderful, we love them blah, blah, blah. They ain't perfect, right. So let's talk about some challenges of dating an African man. African man yeah, what are some challenges that you've experienced?
Speaker 1:For me, one of the things would be the language, because, even though English is my first language, english is for him like his third language. So there will be like a time when and I still use Google translate to translate messages into French because that's his second language so for us, I think one of the challenges is sometimes we don't realize what miscommunication is happening, because we're translating through Google translate and it's not the same. It's not translating exactly what I was intending it to translate, and then, if we're talking on the phone, maybe he heard something that I didn't say or he interpreted what I said to mean something different. So a lot of ours in terms of challenges, or one of the challenges between us sometimes, is communication and just words, because some words can mean something different in French than what it means in English. So I'll say that I'll start there. That's one of our challenges.
Speaker 2:That's interesting.
Speaker 2:That's a lot of languages between the both of you too, but so for me, I would say it's probably more within the marriage versus the dating which I talked about a lot at the beginning.
Speaker 2:It's merging the cultural differences. So, although when we were dating we were in that bubble no-transcript, not in the bubble and we are now more connected with our families, it does sometimes present a challenge as to how we honor each other's cultures and how we communicate the different needs and wants of either each other as individuals or each other, as you know, familiar structures, and especially when it comes to kids, for example, or even the marriage, for example. You know, is it going to be just an American wedding or is it going to be like a mix? Right? So you want to make sure that, as you're walking through this life, you are honoring each other's cultures, but also, even if, for example, if my husband might still have more of an American mindset, still kind of checking in with the family to just make sure, like, okay, what? What are some things that are important in this context and how can we make sure that we are, you know, incorporating that into what we're doing? Moving forward?
Speaker 1:I would like to add that, in terms of stereotyping, sometimes if you are not familiar with African culture, from whichever country, or you're not familiar with talking to and interacting with African people, sometimes people can stereotype that if you're in a relationship with this type of person, that is totally different in terms of challenges from an American dating an American, and so it's like there is no challenge. That's different from if I were dating an American. So, yes, he gets on my nerves, yes, I get on his nerves. Yes, when we're mad at each other, we yell at each other and that is. It doesn't matter if we're Senegalese and American, or if we're American and American, or we're Senegalese and Senegalese. So I think you're a man. Yeah, it's like you're two people trying to live in the same space and, like you said, bring your cultures, your ideas, your upbringing, bring that all together and so people get lost in oh, they're from this country. So it must be like this to date them and it's like, no, it must be like this to date them because they're human. And, yes, you know we're gonna have our challenges. Because here I am trying to live my life and be who I want to be. Here he is trying to live his life and be who he wants to be, and we're trying to bring those things together, and so it's like you know, how do you balance those things? So if we're gonna talk about challenges, you know everybody is gonna have a challenge because we're all humans, you know. So what I can say, I cannot personally say there's like I will say, in terms of challenge, sometimes me being an American can feel like to me is how I'm being approached. So if it's like in terms of opportunities, it could feel like, okay, yes, I am American, but I'm still human and I'm still, I'm still myself trying to find myself, and so and this is from the perspective of somebody outside of America thinking like, oh, americans have it easy, it's easy for you, you know, you have opportunities, you have, you have access to things, and so sometimes I think that can be like a conversation that we have to have together. It's like, yes, I am American, but I am still, um, still trying to figure it out and still, you know, everything is not just thrown at my feet and saying here is yours. So that's something that that dating somebody outside of America would be a challenge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I definitely think that you made some good points about. Like literally, when you talk about bringing two people together, just like you said, that's a challenge in itself because we all operate differently. If it's something such as like brushing your teeth, do you keep the cap off, do you don't? Is there a two-pace in the the sink? Is there hair in the sink? Like all that alone? Right, there is already like OMG.
Speaker 1:I was trying to be in this loving relationship with this person work, some of the things that exactly every relationship is work exactly. So imagine putting those two quarters together. Some of the things that I would say would definitely be communication. I guess, just like, maybe, like Shanae say, like maybe you said one thing and they take it to a whole another level. You're like wait, wait, I didn't mean it. Like that, I didn't mean, is that?
Speaker 1:So sometimes I've noticed that they may take some things literally and you're like, oh, just plan or that was, or maybe you say something you didn't even think about. They come and be like well, you said so I'm like what I don't remember, what are you talking about? So that communication thing is a very big thing. Also, finances, uh, merging finances together, anything of that sort is always a conversation that used to be had, because how did they do stuff in their country? Like Shanae mentioned, coming to America is very difficult. So coming to America and trying to figure out working and finances and bills and different things like that, it works a lot differently. In Africa they pay up to like a year in real worth we gotta pay monthly in rent and that's something that works really
Speaker 1:hard to make sure we do that paycheck to work, you know, for the rent. So I feel like these are definitely conversations. Another thing is family, uh, families on both how, what is the family's look like? I know I remember a situation where they're the family is very much involved and if there's an issue with the couple excuse me, man is like the whole family is involved. The whole family is like what's going on. Let me help solve this situation, whereas in America it's like sad in my business. You know what I'm saying. So these are things that has to be talked about.
Speaker 1:Coming from these different, uh, the different cultures, right, and even if you're just talking about mentioned therapy, you know you talk about marriage counselor. Whatever the case is, are they open to therapy? Therapy is not something that's particularly known in Africa. African-americans are barely happy on board. So you got somebody from a culture that's like I don't need to talk to nobody. Like this between me and you. This ain't got nothing to do with nobody else. I don't know this person. We about this other person in our business, right? Um, so these are a couple other things that you have to look at when you're talking about merging cultures and different things together.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's switch topic. Let's talk about the green card. Okay, the green card thing comes up all the time, right? Because people automatically assume if they are coming from Africa to America or this is any country other than America, they must want a green card. So how do you address that situation of the green card topic? And it is, you know this, this covers. It can go either way, because some people are out there for a green card. So how do you mud through the waters of saying this is not what this person is for. We're in love. It has nothing to do with the opportunities that America presents. Jazzy, you want to go? I was gonna say I could speak to that you you can go, oh okay.
Speaker 2:Well, I was gonna say I actually don't have any experience um with this, just because my relationship has been so long term and my husband was here.
Speaker 1:So I'm actually curious to hear from your perspective, shanae, how that conversation went and maybe the perspective of other people that were, you know, involved yes, it's funny to me because when I told my family about Musa and I wanted to be married and that we loved each other, that was their first reaction was like and it wasn't towards him, it was because he's African, you know, it was not personal, and I and I had to tell him that too, like it's not personal, it's not you, it's the situation. They don't know you, I'm in this totally different country. They think that I'm gonna stay here forever if we get married, you know. And also the stereotype is that, you know, most people only want to marry Americans or date Americans to be married, and so that was everybody's reaction and naturally so, in my response to that was but I'm the bomb. Like, of course he loves me, that so we don't even have to. That's not a question for me. Yeah, that that's that's my answer.
Speaker 1:Um, so I will say that that, like I said before, it is should some people only want to gringar? Um, some guys will tell you upfront let's get married for a gringar and some others don't know, you're tax, tax, tactic, I love you. And then when we're here, that it's a whole different ball game. So I do say that you do have to be careful, and that's with any relationship, to make sure that it is something. So though I wouldn't say, you know, jump into something very quickly like there needs, even if it's not the traditional dating.
Speaker 1:People usually show their true colors, and so I feel like if you take the time to just kind of be with the person. Talk to the person before we even talk about or even if we talk about marriage, we're still gonna wait a while just to see what's going on, where life takes us and different things like that. Um, I think that is an important thing to you know work on and hey, but you have some things that I don't even want to move to America. I just prefer you come to Africa. That's another option as well.
Speaker 1:I mean honestly, to be honest you will. Honestly, you will never know until it either happens or it doesn't happen. So actually there's no real way to kind of say, yes, they're looking for a green card, no, they're not looking for a green card. Obviously, some will be some more obvious signs, but sometimes it's not.
Speaker 1:Um, so I just think those are things that you have to just be look for or um be careful of as you would dating anybody, or before you take that step of, uh, being married and I wanted to add so before I, actually, before I, even mentioned Musa to my family. It was mumps that we had talked to each other, known each other, spend time together, before I felt comfortable enough to say, okay, this is the person I'm talking to now, that I'm dating now and you know, kind of bring that to them. But in the beginning I was very low-key. Nobody knew that I was, that we were talking because it was new for me and I was still experimenting, I was still living my life.
Speaker 1:So, um, in my mind, that never I that never crossed my mind, because one I knew that I would be a Morocco another two years and I knew that if I wanted to continue staying in Morocco, I had the um, the nationality card rocking stay. So for me it was, it wasn't. It never crossed my mind because I knew I had time to spend with him and see for myself. But for somebody who may only be there for two weeks or may only be there for a month, or may only be there to study abroad, and you have such a short amount of time, I can see how it can come up because you know, just we hear it on a day-to-day and our, you know, in here in the US that's what we hear when we think about relationships with people outside of the US. And but for me, because I was going to be there for a long time and I knew that I'm like I have time to see for myself, right, yeshina?
Speaker 1:I think you had a very unique situation and the fact that you were living there and you were able to have that opportunity.
Speaker 1:A lot of times the people that I'm talking to, it's merely a hey. I went to Ghana for two weeks, I went to Morocco for a month and we kind of fell in love. Um, so there is no opportunity for like what you said. So then there's a whole another level of thinking in terms of how do we get a chance to know each other? Because, again, if I first meet you, it's gonna be fun. You already know that.
Speaker 2:First, like six months years the bomb.
Speaker 1:We're so in love, oh my god, you can't do anything wrong. Blah, blah, blah. Then we see okay, then we get into the real relation. Okay, this is how they are, these are the nuances, this is what they do. Blah, blah, blah, um. So, leading to our next topic, marriage. So you guys are both married, so how did that marriage come apart? I mean about you guys have traditional wedding, um, and was there anything that changed after the? I do, because that's when the real relationship starts right, not at the wedding, not at these other things. Wedding and marriage is a completely different topic sure I can go um.
Speaker 2:So we got married, um, and we had both a. I would say it was a more of an American wedding, but there were a traditional elements involved as well. So I had a white wedding dress and then for the reception I had an Nigerian wedding dress, was made for me in Nigeria and then brought back and it's so beautiful, and we had matching Nigerian outfits as well. So it was really nice, um, and yeah, that's how that went did they spray you with the money?
Speaker 1:uh, was his family there, or did you guys? You guys didn't go to Nigeria at all, so you guys didn't have a traditional wedding.
Speaker 2:We did not, we did not, so it wasn't. We didn't have like two separate weddings, or one in Nigeria, one in the States.
Speaker 2:No, it was that's what I mean. It was more Americanized with the Nigerian elements. But, yeah, all of his family came that lived in Colorado at the time and some family did in fact fly in from Nigeria and then other parts of the world as well. But we got married really quickly, I would say so. He proposed maybe like August, and to me it was quick. We got married in January.
Speaker 2:So the wedding planning was to me kind of sped up and we were just trying to like figure things out because, um, he was, he had joined the Foreign Service, so everything was advanced and we were about to move to Morocco at that time too.
Speaker 2:So it was like, unfortunately we didn't get a chance to have the wedding perfectly the way we wanted it to be and we we didn't have dancing and that that was kind of an issue because, because we didn't do the money dance, we didn't do like any of that stuff, but the church that I went to at the time we didn't allow that. Yeah, so if we had more time I've been to like some really amazing Nigerian weddings, and not that my wedding wasn't amazing, it was beautiful and all of that stuff, but just with the restrictions of the church and all of that stuff. We weren't allowed to do what we wanted to do, but we've talked about it we. We were like we need to, we need to have a dance thing and all of the hoopla, so that'll be something we plan further down the line.
Speaker 1:I need to invite Jess. Yes, I love weddings Me too, of course. Okay, what was your? How was your wedding? We actually got married in a third country. So, musassim Tinnigal, I'm from America we got married in Morocco. So we actually didn't have a ceremony, we went to the consulate and got married there, and so in my mind, it was like you know it actually like you know when you grow up and you're like, oh, this is what my wedding is gonna look like.
Speaker 1:I never would have guessed or thought that we're even you know that never would have been a thought like, oh, I'm gonna get married at the consulate and, you know, in another country. So for me it was very quick. It was like we had been dating for that whole two years. Because I told them, you know, I would prefer to get married after my Peace Corps experience, because that's why I'm here. And so after our after Peace Corps, we went and we went to the consulate, we submitted all of our papers and everything and that started the process. So I would like to have a vow renewal once we get back together At some point. I don't know when that one will do the vow renewal, but I definitely wanna have one, as, like Jasmine said, like a do-over for us, so that we can actually celebrate together. The only thing is his family is in Morocco and in Senegal, so it's like we'll have like my version of it and then when we go to Senegal we'll have to do something there.
Speaker 1:So we're still in limbo with that whole celebration piece because we just went straight to the paperwork process. Okay, so the agreement is do-overs and vow renewals.
Speaker 2:That's what it sounds like.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, I don't think it's gonna be fun because you're gonna sense the plan and it will probably be less stressful because you've already technically done the wedding part. It'll just be like a big party, just a celebration.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, okay. So we are almost time to wrap it up. But I do wanna ask what is married life like? Is there any difference? Is it just regular? Like I don't know what it called regular, but tell me, how is dating life? As having an African husband? At this point we move from dating to husband.
Speaker 1:Now it was the title for me, because I'm like I'm a wife now. You can't talk to me like that. No, I'm just kidding. No, but it did become like once we got married. It was like I like to be addressed as Madame, not Madame Waselle. So that was one of the things. Not internally between us, but you just know, like publicly, like I am a Madame.
Speaker 1:Now that's funny. I've heard that term but I've never thought of it in terms of the way that you're speaking and that almost is. Is that a very French thing? It's French, because French means French, madame means Mrs and Madame Waselle means Miss. Yes, so I've had to correct a couple of people on that. But I think internally for us as a relationship, it just I don't know.
Speaker 1:Nothing stood out to me as different, more so, except, I'll say except the combination of our finances, because when we live together, we got a bank account together and we had our apartment together. So I'll say like, structurally, we started to bring our things together. So that was one of the differences which is important to talk about before you even get to that stage, because a lot of times divorce is because we're not. I mean divorce, divorce happens because we're not talking about the finances. Then we get together, we're like oh, this person likes to spend all the money. Okay, we ain't got money pay bills. There's a thing of communication, there's a thing of lack of sex or too much, whatever, however you put it. So finding nice balance of that is good. So those are some of the things that should be conversation started before that even happens, because, yeah, you can't be talking about that after. That's too much going on. Jazz, what about you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, dating and marriage, in my opinion, is it's different, but I would say you have to include the dating and the marriage like we talked about earlier, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:But marriage is serious stuff. Like Shania said, you are now combining your life, your savings, your finances, and it is constant communication, it's constant compromise, it's constant letting things go as well because you can't always think about it for weeks. Yeah, because everything's a big deal. Like we talked about the toothpaste thing, right? So if somebody doesn't squeeze it the way that you wanted to, what are you gonna get a divorce? Like no, you're just gonna figure it out, compromise, or get your own toothpaste, like there are just levels to how you handle things and you have to figure out how to still maintain your individuality within the marriage so that you don't get consumed by the other person and vice versa, because it can happen and you don't wanna lose yourself once you're married, because that is life and that happens. I think once you do combine your whole existences, you have to realize that you have to still maintain your individuality too.
Speaker 1:I think the compromise is a good topic as well, because, like you said, if they do something that you don't like, you should be like is it worth it? Like, do we need to have this long drawn out conversation about? Depending on what it is?
Speaker 1:obviously depending on what it is it's still the compromise of, okay, either I know he does it this way, okay, I'm not gonna say anything, it's not that bad. Or, like you know what I'm saying, obviously there's things that we as women do that they don't like either and they just accept it, like you know what I'm saying. So I think that's the good thing about the compromise and the constant communication and, like you said, not losing yourself. I know this for kids, but a lot of times I used to teach parents in class and I'd be like who are you? And they'd be like well, I'm a mother and I'm like that asks about your mother's dad is. I asked who are you? And so the same for marriage.
Speaker 1:A lot of times people do lose their self in being the wife you know Versus like no, who are you outside of your husband? Those things are super important to make sure you recognize as well. So, as much as you're having a date night with your husband, are you dating yourself? Are you making sure that those self-caretta are in place? Because if you are stressed out, then the relationship in the marriage definitely takes its toll. If you're not good for yourself, how can you be good for your spouse, or anybody else for that matter, including your kids which, by the way, jess, is pregnant. So that's exciting.
Speaker 1:So, you guys will have a new addition to the family, and it's interesting because you guys traveling too, and in another country you guys are in a whole different country from America and Nigeria. So that'll be interesting to kind of hear about and I'm pretty sure that people would love to know how that process works. But any last final thoughts about this specific topic, something we didn't cover or something that you wanna add for anybody that is looking to date or marry an African man. So what are your last thoughts?
Speaker 2:I would say just be open to dating whomever you want. But if it is an African man, be open to it, but take things slow, like you would any other relationship, and make sure that you are still honoring yourself and getting what you need out of the relationship. And yeah, that would be my two cents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, don't let stereotypes lead you down a destructive path. Just pay attention to your own relationship and in a way, you do wanna kind of keep things between the two of you because sometimes, because of stereotypes and telling other people what's going on, that can cause some issues between the two of you. So just trust yourself, trust your gut, trust your relationship and your partner and just keep it like that. Keep that trust between you because in any relationship they're gonna be trying times when you're bringing two cultures together, two languages together, two upbringings, all those different things, two countries together. There are gonna be some different experiences. So communication is so important.
Speaker 1:Google translate and then even outside of Google translate, break that down even more. Like, just talk to each other slowly and with patience and laugh and have fun and joke with each other and just be silly and be yourself and do you and let that person do them and you'll be fine. It's not that easy. Exactly, it's really good stuff, some great. Last I will say just to add a couple the culture piece make sure you are learning about their culture, because I wanna know about the food. I think that's another reason why, if anybody hasn't noticed, I'm attracted to African being, caribbean being, because I love the culture aspects of it and if you have an accent, I'm already in love, but that's another story.
Speaker 2:That's what got me.
Speaker 1:That's what got me, that's what got me.
Speaker 2:That's what got me. That's what got me.
Speaker 1:I'm like just talk a little bit what you say, Just talk to me Exactly. I will say the one thing is to learn the culture. What does the food? Look like what does the music look like? What does burial look like? That's a whole tradition in itself.
Speaker 2:Like what do these?
Speaker 1:different things look like Also within that culture or the family aspect of it how does their family do? Things, how does your family do things, and in learning their culture, make sure that they learn your culture as well, because we, as African Americans, we have our own separate culture as well.
Speaker 2:And then how?
Speaker 1:do we blend those cultures to become a relationship or eventually, like Shania and Jazz, to a marriage? I feel like learning about that will help to either appreciate and know more about where the perspective that your partner is coming from.
Speaker 1:Okay, the other thing I will say communication. We've mentioned that a lot of time on here. If you do not communicate, nobody can read your mind. Even if you have your husband for 20 years, they still cannot read your mind. So if you don't speak up or if you don't say the things that either are bothering you or things that you love, then nobody will ever know, and then so you just have this line of arguments or whatever. So the communication is very, very important. The other thing Jazz mentioned is dating one another, dating each other before you get to that marriage point, while you're engaged, to the marriage portion, and continue on. As long as you're alive, there should be time for dating, and it'll be interesting for you, jazz, to incorporate that, as a new child comes out to be super important because there's always this discussion about who comes first husband or kid while you honor your husband first right.
Speaker 2:Because that's where the kids even come.
Speaker 1:we were together, so still being in that space of date night, despite having children. I mean, even if we mentioned therapy, have a therapy, use of marriage, counseling, whatever that case is, even if that comes before that or particularly after that, these are some things that will kind of help. Obviously, it doesn't help all relationships, but these are just some of the key things that will help out. I, like you said, have fun with everything. The dating, the physical, just all of those different things will enhance any type of relationship. And we are going to wrap up, this was a fun conversation.
Speaker 1:I hope everyone enjoyed the different topic that we talked about, and if there are more things that you want us to do pertaining to this topic, we are definitely open to doing it. So go check out Shanay and Jazz. They both have YouTube channels and they have their collective businesses. I'm going to introduce you to who they were in the beginning. I'm going to make sure to link down to their socials and whatever else. You want to learn more about them, and thank you all so much. I appreciate it. This was great and we'll have to do it again.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you.