Do you ever wonder how societal norms and expectations shape our dating lives? Wonder no more as we invite our insightful guest, Kofi, who pulls back the curtain on dating and relationships in contrast between two cultures - African American and Ghanaian. With intriguing first-hand experiences, he elucidates on the cultural differences and how they affect relationship dynamics; from expectations, gender roles, to extended family involvement.
Our chat with Kofi further takes us on an exploration journey into the shifting gender roles in modern Ghanaian marriages. As we peel back layers of societal pressures around childbearing and the often intrusive roles of extended family members, Kofi offers a unique perspective on the evolving roles of women within the household. Then, we veer into the complex interplay of Christian beliefs and their impact on traditional roles.
Brace yourself as we delve into a thought-provoking conversation around cultural views on sex and tradition in Ghana. Kofi illuminates on the evolution of traditional roles for women under the influence of modern government and human rights organizations. We also scrutinize traditional coming of age ceremonies, sexual taboos, and the continuing controversial practice of female genital mutilation in some regions. Join us for this captivating episode that highlights the fascinating dynamics of dating and cultural variations.
Do you ever wonder how societal norms and expectations shape our dating lives? Wonder no more as we invite our insightful guest, Kofi, who pulls back the curtain on dating and relationships in contrast between two cultures - African American and Ghanaian. With intriguing first-hand experiences, he elucidates on the cultural differences and how they affect relationship dynamics; from expectations, gender roles, to extended family involvement.
Our chat with Kofi further takes us on an exploration journey into the shifting gender roles in modern Ghanaian marriages. As we peel back layers of societal pressures around childbearing and the often intrusive roles of extended family members, Kofi offers a unique perspective on the evolving roles of women within the household. Then, we veer into the complex interplay of Christian beliefs and their impact on traditional roles.
Brace yourself as we delve into a thought-provoking conversation around cultural views on sex and tradition in Ghana. Kofi illuminates on the evolution of traditional roles for women under the influence of modern government and human rights organizations. We also scrutinize traditional coming of age ceremonies, sexual taboos, and the continuing controversial practice of female genital mutilation in some regions. Join us for this captivating episode that highlights the fascinating dynamics of dating and cultural variations.
Hey everyone, welcome back to when in the Heart is Tiffany On today's video? I have a special guest with me and I'm excited to have him on the program. His name is Kofi and our topic today is about dating, but from the perspective of a good name, and we had a awesome video with two other guests, but we were talking from a women's perspective, so I thought what better way than to have an actual guy talking about relationships, and we'll also be discussing a variety of topics, including dating African American women and like traditional roles, or, if that is really the case, are there traditional roles with African men? I don't know. Let's get into it. So, kofi, go ahead and introduce yourself and then we'll jump straight into our conversation.
Speaker 2:Right, thank you, tiffany. Hello everybody, my name is Kofi, I'm a Ghanaian, I'm an actor, I'm a TV host and then I'm also a tall guy. So today I hope you have a very good conversation. I mean go in favor of both of us talking about the African American and the Ghanaian men.
Speaker 1:I mean yes, and Kofi mentioned tour guys. So quick plug really quickly. I host trips to Ghana and Kofi is our tour guy over there. So we already done a trip for the year to return and we are doing another trip coming up this December. So check us out so they can join us on that trip. That's not what this video is about, but a shameless plug on a group trip, so we would be happy for you to come along with us. Alright, that was my little down to me, so let's get right into it. Like I said before, the video is really about your perspective or dating African American women, so we're changing around just a little bit. So tell me what is your experience with dating African American women and also let's compare to, maybe, what you dated. Have you dated Ghanaian women? So we can do some comparisons too. But let's start off with first have you dated African American women?
Speaker 2:Right, you know, first of all I think I have to start from. The first thing I've ever come across and I've realized about both women and then also Ghanaian women, is the culture differences, the backgrounds. Ghanaian have a way of raising their kids so that when they grow to be adults they will raise from a certain kind of culture background, and then it's also the same thing applies to the American. Here in Ghana, when you have like a boyfriend, or you are dating or you have a husband, you know most times the men we see they are the head of the family and you have to call them with a necessary respect. One, two, you dare not argue with your man.
Speaker 2:That is from a Ghanaian perspective, because we believe sometimes even you might have a very good reason to argue with him about whatever it is. It could be about the family, it could be about finances, it could be about whatever I mean. You know, but when you start to talk about that, the more you talk about it. Here we see some kind of disrespect, you know. So that is different from the other side that is talking about the Americans, but here.
Speaker 2:When you have a husband, when you have a boyfriend, you have to have called them with a necessary respect. That is one, two. You also have to cook for them, wash for them, clean their houses. I mean, though, you might not be wife already, just a girlfriend, but you have to do all this. And then, in Africa too, and in Ghana, when you get married, or you are engaged or you are dating a man, you are not just dating the man, you are dating the entire family, especially when you think of having the man as your own, like having the man's hand in marriage. You understand what I am saying.
Speaker 1:Interesting. Let me stop you for a second.
Speaker 1:Let's go back to that last point you made about cooking and cleaning, even though they could be just with your boyfriend, okay, so yes there is definitely a big difference right there, because we have been taught culturally that you don't do the things that you do for a boyfriend that you would do for your husband. So if you are married, yeah, there is no issue with cooking, cleaning, all that kind of stuff, but if it is just your boyfriend, nah, we don't do all of that and we use that common phrase like, oh my God. Well, no, it is kind of you something different. I was about to say don't put the horrors before the cow, it is something like that. But anyway, the point is, yes, that is a big cultural difference that we are not doing all that just for a boyfriend. I just wanted to mention that, and if anybody else that is an American woman that is listening to this, do you agree with what I just said? Okay, keep going.
Speaker 2:So going on, like you said, that you are not married yet, you are just a girlfriend. So you don't have to do all this here too. When you don't do it, we presume that you are not going to be a good wife. So the boyfriend girlfriend is some kind of rehearsal ground to the actual married. So if you don't do that, the man might think you are lazy. So when they finally marry, you are not going to help them.
Speaker 2:Like I said, you are not just with them, you are with the family, the father, normally the mother, sometimes the father, but in most cases the mother of the guy or the boyfriend will sometimes come and pay you a visit. She will intentionally come and spend some time with you. You have to cook for her to know how you cook, if you are a good cook or not. While she is there, she will be monitoring everything that goes around you understand what I am saying the way you clean, the way you wash, the way you cook everything, the way you talk to the boyfriend. Sometimes the mother will be indoors in your bedroom, but they will be having their ears with you, your conversations. So the following day your mother can be like I overheard you talking to your girlfriend and she was yelling at you, she was screaming, she was arguing. This is not going to help you. You understand what I am saying.
Speaker 1:So is it low key, like a job interview before the job? Is it low key? Is that a good correlation?
Speaker 2:I mean, however you see it or however, but that is how it works. And then sometimes, while you are dating, you have to ask your man to go with you to visit the man's mother and father. If they are living together, if they are still married, you have to go and visit them, spend some time with them, go and clean for them. I mean, you try to do things to get their favors, you understand, Because they have like about 50% of like. They say whether you are going to be married or not, because here, when the mother says no, it's no, regardless how the man loves you. When the mother says no, no, when the father says no, no, Some to extend even the in-laws, the sister in-laws and the brothers in-laws they all have a voice in it. So you have to make sure all of them likes you. And they are going to like you for one reason that, like you are hardworking, you clean, you cook, you are also, like you know, not trying to rock shoulders for the man, and all that Moving on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's a big difference for us too, because it's like we date somebody and when we're ready to marry so some people do are very traditional and they try to ask the father for a hand in marriage, but that's, I feel like as years go on, that's not really the case now. It's more like, let's say, I'm dating, I like somebody and I will introduce them to the family, like I may not really be too concerned whether or not my family approves or likes the guy. I'm just going to say this is who I like, this is who I want to marry and like the decision is kind of really all the wrong. Of course you have some people who it's kind of what you're describing, with a family, super involved. American culture not as much as the way you're describing it.
Speaker 2:So here is the other way around. Here you definitely need a family's approver. If you bring a woman and introduce it to your family, then they say no Possibility, you guys are going to break up. It's like about 70% you, because you're not threatening you. If you are going to marry a woman, I'm not going to be there, you don't have my blessings, and here we see it like a taboo. Get married without your parents blessing you. Understand they should. They should get involved. So when they threaten you, like, okay, then this one is who you want, no problem, but I'm not for, I'm not part of it. Help me out. I'm not going to find means to convince them. If there is something they don't like about them, then you have to find means to rewrite the story for them to know. Okay, now I think we're good to go Again, the dress is also part of it.
Speaker 2:Until recently, as an African woman, if you want to get married to a man the way you see it, most times our weather is hot, like. It's not even most all the time. We are always having a hot weather here. Yes, but you can be, you know wearing, you know, short pants, hot pants, whatsoever. Your mother going to tell you oh so this lady you trying to marry is showing all your property, something that she's supposed to cover for you and you're going to be in a relationship with this one, okay, so if you're that type, whenever your mother-in-law to be comes around, you have to change the way you dress, and you dare not dress like the same way to them. They will reject you.
Speaker 1:But it's funny that you mentioned the dress because I remember it now, morocco is completely different from Ghana. But I wasn't even in a relationship with her and I was doing a cooking class and it was so hot and I had on a long dress but I got hot so I think I kind of like lifted up my dress a little bit, but it was a long dress so you still couldn't see me. But you should have seen the way my tour guide's mother we were at her house cooking or their house cooking and she said something in Arabic. I don't know what she said, but I know she was very displeased because it was hot. So that's interesting to hear. Like some of the stuff, even if they're different countries, some may go along with kind of the same kind of culture of like modesty, so yeah.
Speaker 2:So, moving on to you, a short story Until recently, previously, if you're a Ghanaian man where I'm from, in Ghana, from the Ashanti region, your parents or your uncle is the one who's going to choose a woman for you. Okay, we'll not go around and spot somebody on the street or school or wherever and say I've seen somebody I think I want to be with, but they will be looking around and see, okay, coffee, so now you are coming of age, uh, you need somebody to settle down with, so they will go get married. You need somebody and you have to be with that somebody.
Speaker 1:You can't be like an arranged marriage.
Speaker 2:Exactly that's how it used to be. But you know, now the world is changing and the culture is also changing, especially the, the Western culture is having a kind of influence because of the global world. The social media is changing, but still now you can go and bring somebody, but they still have a hands and they have a saying that you need the approval Again. Um the way, talking about American woman and Ghanaian woman. You see, don't be doing all this because you are not yet married, but here you have to do it. That is like I told you.
Speaker 2:It's a thing. If you don't do that, it's. But the other round, the other way round, is not like that. When you are dating and then okay, just in case, maybe you have a child, once you are dating, you have a child, everything about the child supposed to be taken care of by the woman. When you are doing something and the man is around and probably you are so much like a child along with you, the man will just be sitting and relaxing, you know. But now things are changing because of the, the movement of. You know, for me, like I'm saying that Western culture, right, I'm glad to hear things are.
Speaker 1:I'm glad to hear things are kind of changing. Um, so you talked about some of the like a Ghanaian women and let's say you were dating an African American woman. Versus what you just explained, Okay, so that's like you.
Speaker 2:It's also a different ball game all together, because here things you say to a Ghana woman is okay, wait. When you say to African American woman, it becomes a problem, a typical problem. You have a date, you have a day or you have a program, you have an appointment that you're supposed to go with your girlfriend, you know. And then you are running late. When you tell your girlfriend, hey, if you come on, you know, you double up, we gotta go. She's gonna be like okay, I'm sorry, I'll be with you now, but my experience with African American woman she's gonna be like you know, you don't, you don't rush to the next one. The next minute you say it's, it's gonna be a fight. But the African woman is not gonna be like, she, rather gonna uh, please don't, you'll be have that, okay, I'm gonna be with you soon, and all that.
Speaker 2:Again, they don't cook for you, the African American dating. They don't cook for you and it's not like mandatory that they have to cook for you. It's not mandatory that they have to clean your room. So if before you decide not to clean, then the whole place is gonna. But I also feel like it depends on the personality too, because some of them too are also just like a version of the African Ghanaian women. You know, again, the African American woman don't agree the fact that your entire family is involved in the relationship, unlike the Ghanaian woman. You know so when you have to. Oh so, babe, that's my auntie. Let's go and say hello to my auntie. She's gonna be like for what? Because it's my auntie. So for what I mean? You know, okay. So my uncle says he's gonna come here tomorrow. She's gonna ask questions for what? But the Ghanaian men don't care who is coming or not, because you know they are all involved.
Speaker 1:Does that include, like what do you call it like staying for a significant amount of time?
Speaker 2:Okay. And then when it comes to giving out money, when you have to give out money here, either you are rich or poor, either you are working or not. Even if you are not working, the little money that comes your way is not for you alone, it's for your entire family, the extended family, okay. So you don't give them money. It becomes, like you know, a problem, like a huge problem. Oh, don't worry about coffee, coffee, don't care about nobody, it's all about himself. So the little pay you get from the job you are doing, you still have to extend some of that money to your mother, to your auntie, to your uncle, to whoever you have to reach out to. But the African-American women don't understand that. That. Why would you have to? You know that is for us and they have to, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can vouch for that, that we are very we're all very like how does it concern me? If it doesn't concern me, then it's like, yeah, I don't know about giving it to family. Now, not everybody is like that. Some families are like, hey, if my family needs help, they can, you know, they can get it if I have it. But a lot of people are kind of like, nope, this is mine, I work for it, this is only for me, I don't have to extend it to the family. Or they could be like, oh, maybe a special holiday I can give my family something or do something, but it's not like a year round, like, hey, I work this week, so let me go ahead and send it to my family.
Speaker 1:Again that doesn't apply to everybody, but that is a common thing when I went to Thailand. Another thing was we were on a tour and we were eating and so the lady was like, hey, we're gonna have family style meal. And I was like, oh okay, she's like, yeah, unlike in America I know you guys don't like to shake and I kind of laughed and I was like it's true, because if I go to McDonald's I'm probably gonna get me a meal. I'm not going to ask everybody in the household like, hey, what do you want to eat? You know what I'm saying. So I do realize that we do have certain customs and different things like that. Okay, so any other differences that you kind of noticed between the two?
Speaker 2:Okay, and again the Ghanaian men. If they are dating African American or even Ghanaian women, this kind of funny, but it's one of those Ghanaian men. Don't use their mouth to have oral sex, like they don't eat pussy.
Speaker 1:Okay. So we're just jumping right into the sex portion. So you're saying basically that, guys, or what do you want to say? Guys, we're talking to a Ghanaian man, so we're gonna say some Ghanaian man, do you want to say some?
Speaker 2:or you want to say most, or what do you want to say? Most Ghanaian men.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you're trying to say that most Ghanaian men do not perform oral sex?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Is that? Is that have anything to do with a culture or custom Like? What is the issue with that?
Speaker 2:Okay, so two sides of it. The other side is that you know some some early. We tell you the moment you do that you lose your power. As a man Like you know all the power you have on your tongue. You're gonna lose it to that. So you know nobody gonna take you seriously. Anything that comes out of your mouth doesn't carry no weight, you know what is funny?
Speaker 1:because like, how would they even know? Like you get them and like nobody knows what you're kind of doing behind closed. But that's funny. But anyway, keep going.
Speaker 2:Yes. So that is one, and again the other side also like they see it to be like you know to be, you know. They see it to be like come nasty, you know yes. They say no, you don't do that, it's nasty, you know.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, let's ask this question. Most Ghanaian men don't want to have oral sex or do that to their women partner, but are they okay with their women doing that to them? Is there a double standard here, or they don't want it done to them at all?
Speaker 2:That one also. It also varies. They don't want it to, but sometimes, to you know, some, some it's not like everybody. Yes, so that is that about that.
Speaker 1:So it just kind of depends on the person. Okay, so that's. That's always interesting culturally on that particular topic in general. So I know most Canadians are like Christians, or what do they think about sex before marriage? Is that something that is done or that's something that's not done?
Speaker 2:You know, morally, culturally, before even Christianity is wrong. Gone are the days if you should have sex. I remember those days when I'm from my village. You know, when you are being caught that you had sex with somebody you are not married to, especially when you are even young and you are not at that age that you're supposed to do, that they're going to bring both for you to like. You know, to public and shame you. You know they're going to have all this. You know your peers right after you clapping and singing and you know booing after you that you did what you're not supposed to do. You understand.
Speaker 2:So even before the introduction of Christianity, that was something that you're supposed. And then, back in the days when it's in the, it's in the adolescent age, they have to perform the rights for them that they call the pope. Even they realize you started menstruating and all that. You are the adolescent age. They have to perform the depot rights for you before you can even see a man. When they don't do that for you and you see a man or you have sex, it means it's a taboo, taboo nation. Sometimes they can even chase you out from the village and all that, or wherever you are leaving.
Speaker 1:So what is the? What is the rights Like? What kind is a ceremony? Like, what do they do for the younger?
Speaker 2:There's a ceremony that they have to. Like you know, they'll adore you to the whole town that now you are, you are at your adolescent age. But mind you, that doesn't give you a certificate to go and sleep with somebody. But now you can get pregnant, like you know, you've come of age, like you've grown up. But if that right is not performed, you are still like a little girl Because you don't have no right to go and do it. But now it's also come with a modern world. Things have changed.
Speaker 1:So they don't do that particular ceremony anymore.
Speaker 2:Yes, so that is a ceremony. They perform, uh, a priority right for the, for the women. Before you can, you know, start to do whatever you have to do. But now it's no longer there, but even sometimes it's a session of Ghana, they still do it.
Speaker 1:Do they? What was? I can't really think of the term, but there was a term I know in some parts of Africa I don't know which ones, oh my God, where they do the mutilation on the private parts of the woman. Have you heard of any of that in Ghana going on?
Speaker 2:They do what now?
Speaker 1:It's like there's a mutilation of the vagina area in some tribe, so basically, basically, it's almost like they're messing with the vagina, like where they can't give pleasure to really, I can't say a weird tradition because it's their culture. But I don't understand that particular culture. Have you heard of that going on in Ghana before?
Speaker 2:Yes, that's the northern part of Ghana Even now. But now you know some NGOs, some agencies, human rights societies. You know they've risen against that, that you are infringing on their human rights.
Speaker 1:Right, right, right, yeah. Well, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2:But yeah, that's what we do Before the arrival of the white man in Ghana. In Africa, you don't win. Before they are introducing the government way of ruling. It was only the kings and the chiefs that used to rule the people and they are the overlords of the tradition. So now that we have a modern way of government and the rest, you know, but still the traditional leaders are having power to setting kind of culture. Regardless, you are human rights, all rights, you have your human rights organization. You can talk whatever, but it doesn't work when the culture stands out. You understand.
Speaker 2:There is an instance just recently, I think three weeks ago, from the northern part of Ghana. Two people went to you know half sex and they got it on video tape. They recorded it. Whilst they were doing it the video got leaked. Okay, the chief of the town said on them and they tied both of them, the male and the female, both of them. They tied them against against a pole, they tied their feet, their hands and you know, they beat the hell out of them, both of them in public. I remember I was even talking about it on my show. That it's it's. It's wrong, though in our society you don't do that. You don't have sex and videotape it? Yes, they do it. And so what would you have to beat them? And they beat them that they have cuts at their backs and their backs and all that.
Speaker 2:We have rights around police and everybody, but their culture over over, overpower the, the government, who is talking about human rights and the rest, because that's their culture. And then previously, when the kings and the chiefs were ruling, when certain things happen, they have to perform a right. They say the girls would be mad at the people, so they have to perform a right to beg them to clear every like, you know, misfortunes that will come out from that act. You understand. So even now they will tell you on our land, we don't do this. Let's say, maybe abortion is forbidden in some part of you know, in our tradition we don't do that. So when somebody performs abortion on some part of the land, you know it's something you are not supposed to and you've done it, so it has brought some kind of, you know, bad luck to the society and all that. So they have to perform a right. And then you, they can even. They can even, you know, push you out from the the time, wherever you are from.
Speaker 1:You understand yes, very, very interesting on like traditional roles in just culture and some of these things you hear over, some of the things that you know. I'm learning that's new today. So very, very interesting conversation. Let's switch it to the. Let's switch it to. Let's say you've gotten past the dating stage. What about marriage as it relates to either like traditional roles of gay men, like do they expect for the women to like cook and clean and just bear children as a traditional husband, or is time changing where you know it's 50-50, like, what does a traditional role of a husband and a wife look like in a relate, in a marriage?
Speaker 2:so in marriage too. It's almost like you know how the relationship go to the marriage stage. But now things are changing. Previously, when you get married, the woman supposed to be at home cook mean bear children. Okay, you keep, you cook, you clean your bear children and that's it, like house wife kind of thing, and the man will be also. The man's duty is to go out there and bring money to the house and yours is to take out the house cook, take out the children you know bear children and take out them whilst you just be at home. So previously most of our women were not allowed to even go to school. Because they say even if a woman go to school, regardless how the level of education you're gonna have, you still have to come back and be a housewife. So what's the point? So parents were using their money to educate the the male children, whilst the female stay at home. So not on, recently that was how it is. I remember whilst growing up they were this you know TV commercials on the screens you know say send the girl to school, because it wasn't like that. They don't go to school, they stay home and help their mothers. And when they grow they get married and still stay home, cook, bear children, and I mean take out the house whilst the men go out there. But now things have changed. But bearing children now that is almost like 50 50. You can also go to work, more of you can work, and then you can take off the house stuff. You still need to bear children. That is a big deal here in Ghana.
Speaker 2:When you get married, after a year there is no child. You see people you know being nosy about your business. What's going on? Why is the child not coming? Do you have any problem? Would you want me to take you to a head ballast? Do you need some help? You understand they're gonna put this kind of pressure on you and then your mother and your father, they're gonna invite you, the man, and ask you when are you gonna give us our grandchildren? You know we are getting old. We might just, you know, leave this world and we want to see our grandchildren before we leave this world. So it kind of puts some kind of pressure on you and then previously to. They didn't believe they can be a problem with a man like you know, diseases, sickness, like a low-spend count or whatever. They think the man is always hundred percent. It's just about a woman. To give birth when the children are not coming is the fault of women right.
Speaker 1:And now we're, of course we're finding out technology and science that there are issues with me. Sometimes the women are perfectly fine, and it's that cannot produce children as well. And that's interesting too because, yes, although, like our parents or our you know in-laws will ask about kids, we're also very coming. Well, we're also trying to come into an area where it's kind of like we don't necessarily act. And the reason why we don't act? Because women do have issues. Sometimes they can't produce children, sometimes they've had miscarriages. They have a lot of different issues to where they cannot have children, and so you're constantly like when are you gonna have kids? Let me try to take you to a herbalism. I take you dollar it I mean to a doctor. It's kind of offensive for us, whereas you're saying that you know having children is a very, very important role as a woman in the African culture, which, again, I think it's important for us too.
Speaker 2:But we realize that there are several different things going on in a relationship or within those two people that can prevent someone from having a child so sometimes you might be having a very peaceful marriage, a happy home, but when the children are not coming, it becomes a disastrous, because that is where you see your mother working to your marriage at home, and she won't be like coffee. Why is the child coming? What is the problem? Would you want me to? You know, bringing another woman to come in. You know, help you, give birth. Maybe this one is not producing. The other one can come and produce, sometimes what even?
Speaker 1:with that scenario, is the woman supposed to be within the family now, or is just the babies in bodies of the marriage like? How would that work?
Speaker 2:so how it works? Is that that depends on? That is why you need to have your father and mother in-laws. But that would depend on the person in question, that is, the parents of the man you got married to. Some of them they might be very lenient. When they are lenient, they will do it behind you, okay, so they will advise their son to try somewhere else. Probably they might have children. But when you know they are the rough type, they don't care. They will walk to you and tell you we need a grandchildren. Since you are not ready to give us any, we will bring in a second wife. Sometimes the man might not even agree to wait. You will be there, they will arrange and bring somebody to your marital home. What is?
Speaker 2:their business, their business is that your wife is not using her business. She is coming to produce, okay.
Speaker 1:Very intrusive. That's what we call intrusive and we would call that slang doing too much. Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, too much, but now that's what we would say.
Speaker 2:But now in some home that is no more a lot Because of Christianity. Some of them would tell you Mom, you know what? I'm a Christian. I believe in God. On God's own time, everything is going to be fine. But it depends on the parents too. That is that's what I'm saying. It depends on the kind of parents you are having. They can agree and some they would not. They would never stop worrying your life until they see you've given the like, putting the second wife or a side check or whatever to provide their child for them. Sometimes that can lead to their marriage to. You know, hit the rock yeah that's definitely, especially if you're interrelated.
Speaker 1:We all know relationships come with challenges and good times, but that will definitely create a rift between the two, especially if that's something that they don't agree on. If that's something they're into, whatever, that's a different case, but most people wouldn't just want I don't know, I don't know anybody that just wants to be the second, but there are people out there so we won't even go into that. But so again, so what about? So in this, let's say, we're bringing it today, today's times, because we know a lot of the stuff that you're discussing still happening, is still happening, was happening. But let's, let's try like a relationship in 2022. If you're married to somebody, will your partner cook for you, clean for you? Is it this 50-50 thing or is it still no, this is the man's place, this is the one, this one's, because we know women are working. Now I know a lot of Canadian women working out as well. So what is? How does that? What does that look like in 2022? Relationship?
Speaker 2:2022. Things are getting better. If I said things are getting better, what I mean is that now people are realizing it's a divided role. We are all involved. Okay, so both of us have to take care of everything. But when you put it on a scale of 100, it's like 60% better. Okay, so 40%, believe? No, the woman's supposed to do everything. And so your friend your friend will see you, your friend will see you, maybe watching your wife or your partner clothing. They're going to be like, like, really, what's wrong with you? You don't do that.
Speaker 1:Where's?
Speaker 2:the woman, you know, aha, but, but people are trying, like me. Personally, I see nothing wrong with that, you understand, because if you, if you love somebody, you should, you should love them, care for them and support them, regardless, you know right, I agree, and I do want to make this disclaimer too.
Speaker 1:Although we have talked a lot about traditional roles and the way things were traditionally and culture, I have dated African men and I all the things that we talked about today has not necessarily been my experience. I've had men that cooks cooks better than me, clean better than me. You know what I'm saying. So I don't want people to just take away this video and be like I would never date a Ghanaian man because of you know some of the stuff that we discussed there. Now I hope you got this far into the video, because if you stopped at 20 minutes into the video, you're like, oh, I'm not going to date them for forever.
Speaker 1:But we all know that everybody personality is different, they're upbringing is different and we are coming into new traditions and maybe that's an influence on the West from the Western world or whatever the case is. But there are people that kind of believe, speaking from African American perspective, like they kind of believe are okay with, like you said, the cooking, the cleaning. You know, of course, me going to work on me being educated, so I do want to put that disclaimer out there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay so, kofi, I had a question for you. So, now that you've dated both, right, you dated the African American woman and Ghanaian women. So, at this point in life, who would you want to date and marry? Which one, would you say, and why?
Speaker 2:Okay, so, like I'm saying they are, they are interested parts of both sides, you understand. So I think it's all coming fall under the person you are involved with. Okay, that will tell you, because some American, african American men I'm sorry, african American women are also, like you know, because of the cultural differences. If you are with an African American woman, sometimes you get stuck on the way, okay, because of the cultural differences, but some of them are also ready to shift and try to learn the different, like you know. Let me learn from you, you also learn from me. Okay, so it depends on the person in question. If the person is ready to learn, you will be fine. Other than that, you will go and hit the wall and the reality will hit you.
Speaker 2:Okay, because here, regardless how the woman, even now people, it's even all over on the social media. We have a session of Ghanaian women that are also thinking, like you know, it's a divided role. Both of us need to do everything and go when there's a story like that pops up, go to their comment session and see how some men are bashing them. Like what do you mean? You're a woman you're supposed to like. You know what I mean. So it depends on but.
Speaker 1:Kofi, you mentioned about them learning and I know the question is for you, but also you all have to be open to learning our culture as well. So I feel like if two people are willing to be open and learn each other's culture, then the relationship could work. Because even if let's say we're all black right, You're black, I'm black, Somebody that's black from America Like, even though we're all black, we may all have cultural differences right here in America about family relationships and different things like that. So we're always constantly learning about our partner, regardless of where they come from and if we are all still black.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I mean it's quite interesting how-. And then let me put this across, and it's funny Ghanaian women, African American women, most of Ghanaian men, when they are with the Ghanaian women, it comes with a different approach. When they are with African American, it also comes with a different approach. You know why they try to. You know shift. Let me use the word shift a bit to see how the woman wants things to be done Okay. A typical example is that, knowing the African American woman is not ready to cook for you at all times, he will agree to also cook, sometimes almost times. Okay. But when they are with the Ghanaian women, they don't want to do that. When you put 100 people, like about five people will do that, Okay, but when they are with African American women, they try to shift a bit.
Speaker 2:That is where the reality is set in. When it's on and on and on, let's say after four years, and they're raised, they suppose to see you catching up. Catching up means trying to. You know, live like that of how we are raised. Okay, Because we are raised from a tradition that says men don't do certain things. Okay. So even sometimes some homes, when their wives are sick, they can't do nothing. They would rather go outside and buy food. They would rather go and get somebody to come and watch for them and claim for them and take money than to take the responsibility of doing it. You understand? So yeah, that's how it is.
Speaker 1:So you never answered my question. Which one are you going for, the African American or the Ghanaian woman?
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. That would depend on the personality Like I'm having a full support for the Ghanaian woman because that's how I was raised, and the soft spots for the American woman, if they are ready to, you know, learn from each other.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So that's your answer.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we have been on here for a minute now, so are there any other last things that you want to say about dating either an African American woman or any of the traditional roles or anything like that? Or, okay, let's say this what advice would you give to somebody that's dating a Ghanaian man?
Speaker 2:So what I'm going to tell somebody who is dating a Ghanaian man is that try to understand them because that's how we were raised, okay. So, however they want you to be and you can be like that it shouldn't be an argument but try to let them understand because, like I'm saying, they are ready to shift because this is an environment you are coming from, that that's how you are raised, from our ancestors, our grandfathers, our fathers and to us. Okay. So they are ready to learn. Like I'm saying, because of now, because people are trapped back front for work here, people are going there, people are coming.
Speaker 1:Okay, I think we may have a lost Kofi. There may be an internet issue, but yeah, I think this was a great conversation and I'm happy that I got a chance to talk to Kofi about his perspective, because I can say all day what my perspective is, dating a good name in or whatever the case is, but what better way than to actually hear it from the name me? So I hope that you enjoy this conversation that we have had thus far.
Speaker 2:And let me know what your thoughts are.
Speaker 1:I want to know your thoughts, your questions, your comments, and do you agree with some of the stuff that I said? Do you agree with some of the stuff that Kofi might have said? So, kofi, we lost you for a minute. You want to wrap up what you were saying?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, like I'm saying, it's everything is conversation, dialoguing, I mean, gets time to learn from them. And they are, you know, the men are amazing guys you understand. So just try to understand them, because sometimes you might not understand, but it's because of how we were raised. And then also another advice I would want to give. Is that, okay, let's talk about this one too before we wrap up. So American women, think, ghanaian men with them or African women with them because of Green card?
Speaker 1:Yes, that is a very good discussion. How could I, how could I forget that? I'm glad you talked about that. Yes, so it's a common theme that people say that some African men, ghanaian men, they are watching for a green card, and I think it's 50-50. I think there are guys that just want a green card, but I think they're. On the other hand, I think there are guys that genuinely want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 2:Yes, that one too is very. And then there's another one too that I realized about African American women is that sometimes to win the win, the in relationships that I'm seeing two different cultures. They've agreed to be with each other. In most times, to my experience, most of the American feel more like I'm trying to choose my words right they feel like you know, like they feel like they are the number one priority in terms of anything, because the American you understand, and they feel like you're an African, like you don't know anything you understand. So sometimes when they go and get tough, even your opinion doesn't even count because you don't know anything. What do you know in Africa? You understand that one also should be, you know, should be looked at.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so do you think that they want green cards or it's 50-50.
Speaker 2:So they want a genuine once relationship, and some are also the other way around.
Speaker 1:Well, I will say whether or not they want a green card. If you do want to have a good time in Ghana, there are plenty men available and in abundance. I uh, I was talking to somebody about the group trip and they were like, so I'm going to, just, I'm going to just meet somebody. Like, don't worry, girl, you'll definitely be able to meet somebody, so we can facilitate maybe the meeting of somebody. We cannot facilitate what happens after you meet, so just be careful, just I think. But that's what any relationship you have to get to your dating, I would definitely say don't rush into anything very quickly. I have noticed with the Ghanaian men, african men, caribbean men, they are almost what we call the term of love bombing, where it's constantly like oh my God, I love you, you're the best, and just all these different like things. You're like, sir, I just met you yesterday, you don't love me, so you definitely have. And what'd you say?
Speaker 1:What'd you say Kofi I say you don't even know the person, like you don't even know me, so how can you love me Exactly? But I've gotten that a lot, so I'm pretty sure if it's happening to me, it's happening to other people as well. So those are things that you just have to be careful about. Like, don't don't just get so lovesick so quickly and early because they write you love poems and they say how much they love you and how beautiful you are, because that's very easy to say right, but when it comes to relationships, that's like a whole different story. So I just say be careful. That who you're dating and yeah, but there are some great Ghanaian men out there. So if that's the route you choose, let me know what happens.
Speaker 1:I love doing interviews about love stories that, specifically in Ghana. They're on the YouTube channel now. Those conversations are always a good time. All right, kofi, I think we're going to wrap it up again. I'll put Kofi's information so that you all can reach out to him if you are in Ghana and need to do a tour or anything like that. And where can they find you at? Can they find any of your shows anywhere, or, kofi?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Tiffany.
Speaker 1:Can they find you on TV anywhere or no?
Speaker 2:Yes, my show is on Wontme TV Live on Facebook. It's also on YouTube and I'm also on Instagram as well.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we'll make sure to put all your information in, so if anybody wants to contact you, then they can do so. Okay, thank you so much, kofi, for coming on. It was a very interesting conversation and y'all check this out and let us know what y'all think in the comments. Let us know. All right, peace.
Speaker 2:All right. Thank you for having me Peace and I know, yeah, thank you.